The salon visits before Eid: A hilariously tragic tale

Is it nearly time for Eid? We all know what that means — walk in for a trim and emerge looking like you just stepped off a fashion runway while feeling slightly dizzy from the bill. Salons have a Jedi-like mind trick when it comes to convincing us we desperately need that "revolutionary" new hair mask or a facial that promises to reverse the sins of our entire fast-food-fuelled youth. Although this tends to happen in almost every salon visit, the festive season brings out the best of their rather unconventional selling methods.

The script goes something like this: you settle into a comfortable chair, ready for a quick snip. You have your budget in mind and 45 minutes in hand. Suddenly, your stylist's gaze narrows. Raising the length of your hair to their eye level and squinting like a detective they murmur, "Your ends are a bit… 'splitty', no?"

Their voice is laced with concern, and perhaps even a slight hint of being judgmental. Before you can say anything in your defence, they are launching into a detailed explanation of a new miraculous protein, vitamin, keratin, and oxygen treatment formulated with unicorn tears and moonlight that will magically transform your hair strands into pure silk. And it's only a "very small price" that will put a big dent in your wallet.

Illustration: LS

The analysis then proceeds towards your face and oh you better brace yourself for this one! Even the most confident among us can wilt under the magnifying gaze of the salon mirror. Suddenly, those barely-there spots and pigments of yesterday are a full-blown canyon. And do not even get me started on the "dullness" of your skin that's hiding away your inner brightness!

Men have not escaped the upsell rodeo either.  A simple request for a beard trim can morph into a full-blown consultation involving beard oil recommendations that sound like they were brewed by a mystical wizard and sculpting tools so precise they could probably perform brain surgery (on your bank account, that is).

Naturally, the question arises, have I been washing my face wrong? Now what! Well lucky you, because there is a facial so invigorating it will leave you looking like a block of freshly unpacked butter. Can you hear money jiggle yet?

As entertaining as they may be, sometimes these upsells go beyond playing with small insecurities to making an enjoyable salon visit into something downright stressful. Do not let that happen. While these services are undoubtedly good for your skin and hair, you do not necessarily have to get them done at gunpoint.

If you feel that you do not particularly need the Eid Special Offers, you are free to decline politely with firmness. Believe me, the feeling is truly liberating and the relief is similar to dodging a banana peel laying on a smooth surface.

So, relax! Laugh at the upsell and walk out feeling confident being yourself rather than a walking advertisement. And hey, if you do decide to indulge in that "life-changing" hair mask, well, at least you will have a good story to tell!