How long after a breakup should you date again?

When things do not work out between you and your partner in your relationship, a breakup might ensue, causing you emotional agony. Then what happens? Well, two main ideas guide dating after a breakup. One believes that it is toxic to date immediately after a breakup. Another idea is that finding someone else is the best way to get over someone, and even a rebound might be good. But which one is correct? Is there an ideal time to wait before dating after a breakup?

When asked, Ratul Islam, who had his heart broken almost a year ago, shed some light.

"You stay in denial and grief for some time after a breakup, as is the norm. So, jumping into another relationship soon might affect you badly if it turns out to be another mistake, taking more toll on your emotional health."

Usually, if the relationship was serious, you might need a few months to grieve, process the loss, and incorporate the lessons learned through the breakup in your life. It may also take more than some months to move on if you dated somebody for a long period. Moreover, if you and your ex did not discuss why your relationship ended, you may not let go of the past because you dwell on what went wrong.

For those who struggle to let go, remembering the happy moments while ignoring reality is a typical coping mechanism. All these actions lead to people hanging onto their exes longer after a breakup.

"I almost took two years to move on from my ex, and yet I am not sure if I can date someone else. I still cannot trust another person because of my memories from my past relationship, not that I am still in love with him," expressed 23-year-old Tara Rahman in a bittersweet reminisce.

Illustration: LS

According to popular belief, however, you may need a shorter time to move on if your relationship was short-lived. Perhaps, you felt love for your ex, then resentment, and finally grief as the relationship ended. The feelings, however genuine, were superficial and fleeting, and you soon reach a point when you can declare with honesty that you do not care about them. You make the conscious decision to look forward and go on with your life, hoping for the best.

Sometimes, you may start dating again quickly because you have already found someone else. Perhaps, the voids in your previous relationship are filled by this new person, and the compatibility is a lot better.

"I had a bad break-up in 2020 where I got cheated on. After that, I became attracted to someone else a few months later," said Mahdir Khan, who is now content in his new relationship.

After all, there are many stories of individuals who met, fell in love, got married, and were blissfully happy, all within a span of a few months. Unconventional timelines do not indicate you are wrong.

"If you meet someone after a breakup with whom you can connect well mentally and you can be yourself with that person happily, then you can definitely get into a new relationship. In my opinion, there is no fixed time for this," Mahdir expanded further.

However, despite what anybody thinks about the timeline, there is still more to understand. What matters the most than the exact duration is the mental condition you are in. Once you have gotten over the usual and often required phase of moping over the breakup, it is time to go back to the routine of your life, which includes your job, interests, friends, and everything else. By doing so you can be certain that you are whole and confident in yourself before returning to a relationship, rather than just seeking to fill a void.

Breakups teach us a lot about ourselves as well, like how we talk to people, how we deal with fears and conflicts, and how to live as a separate individual after being part of a pair. Explaining how he overcame his post-breakup melancholy, Tanvim Islam said, "My work helped me a lot to cope with the breakup period. I kept myself busy and started to go out with friends more to distract myself. You can say, I chose the option of prioritising myself."

So, where does this leave us, then, with all these thoughts and perspectives? Well, you might take time to date again after a breakup, and that is okay. You might also start dating soon after a breakup, and that is also okay. The moral of the story, however, is that you are completely healed and prepared emotionally before the new relationship regardless of the time.

Therefore, you have to learn to be content with being alone before you go ahead looking for "the one." Be open to the idea that things might not always go as planned and the ideal person will not magically appear and save you from your problems. At the end of the day, when you learn to love yourself, you will be better able to love other people.