Why I’m not married yet — and why that shouldn’t worry you

"So, what kind of boy are you looking to marry?" — The first move is made. The room goes silent. The girl in question, who was quietly minding her own business a minute ago, looks up and smiles. She knows how this goes; how this conversation ends. She doesn't want to be rude so she indulges anyway. With every requirement she states, the frown on everyone's forehead gets deeper and deeper. She almost feels bad for how hopeless they look at this point.

Because you see, it's never about actually listening to her preferences and perhaps finding a potential someone according to it. No, it is about 'settling down.' Neatly, quietly and above all, quickly. They are just waiting for her to finish talking so they can start.

"Don't you think you're being a little unrealistic? "Life is no fiction! You can't expect someone to come knocking at your door. You can't really expect a 10 on 10!"

And all she can think is, why not? How do they get to decide her fate while theirs was decided by the divine?

Society has a strange way of giving women just enough freedom to choose, but only within boundaries that keep everyone else comfortable. She is encouraged to be independent, build a career, grow. However, if she remains unmarried after a certain age, not because she's against marriage, but perhaps hasn't found the right one, all her life choices are put on trial.

Her ambition becomes a liability. Her self-respect gets mistaken for ego. Her standards are seen as stubbornness, and her desire for a meaningful relationship is labelled fantasy.

Perhaps, the most disheartening experience is dealing with those who come off as allies.

These people are different from the loud ones. They listen to her preferences patiently, nod with approval, even echo back her thoughts, "You're doing the right thing, don't settle."

And for a moment, she believes she's understood. But then, one day, they casually drop a "suggestion" — a marriage proposal that checks none of the boxes she had clearly outlined. Worse, it comes wrapped in sugar coated pressure: "He's a good man. He comes from a good family! Will keep anyone happy."

As if happiness is a one-size-fits-all promise and her voice was just noise to be politely tolerated until a "better" idea came along. It's not just disappointing; it's a heartbreak.

Here's the truth though. She's not rushing because she knows what happens if, God forbid, the 'ideal match' goes south at any point.

Wanting a kind, compatible partner is not asking for too much. Wanting to be seen and respected in a relationship is not unrealistic. A girl who knows what she wants is not a liability. She's someone who has grown through experience, and she deserves to wait for someone who meets her there.

So, the next time you meet an unmarried girl who is secure and self-assured, don't pity her. Don't probe. Don't pretend to support her just to later present a life she never asked for. Listening to her, only to ignore everything she said, isn't kindness — it's erasure.

She's not waiting for just 'anyone.' She's waiting for something compatible, something aligned, something that doesn't ask her to shrink. Her choice isn't delusion; it's clarity. And in a world that constantly tries to rush, dismiss, and negotiate her worth, the quiet strength of standing her ground deserves respect, not reform.