3 tricks to listening better

How many times have you started a conversation with someone you've never met before and hit a dead end? With or without an agenda, we often lack the smooth-talking finesse required to manoeuvre a conversation the right way.  Even if you've got 'mad skillz' when it comes to the fine art of small talk, you might just be the interrupting locquacious type and the conversation's actually a monologue instead of a dialogue because it's so one-sided.

But there comes a time when you can only go so far without paying attention to the other person (think last period before lunch break in high school). As Sir Richard Branson advises, "Listen more than you talk. Nobody learn anything by hearing themselves speak." So be it first-time jitters or social awkwardness, keep these three things in mind and next time you'll have a better shot at connecting with people.

1. Repeat what the other person said. No one expects you to make wildly interesting conversation the very first time you meet. Maybe not even the second or the third or the nth time if you've got a particularly shaky track record. But Illogical and purposeless as it might sound, mirroring your companion's words is actually a great opening to delve deeper into a subject. For example, if someone said to you: "My company gives a lot of freedom to young employees," you would reply, "You company gives a lot of freedom to young employees? How?" You've just earned yourself a few more minutes of tête-à-tête.

2. Make eye contact. Television is great because everyone makes such intense eye contact – "they must really be into one another," you probably think to yourself. But television is part play-acting and when it comes to real life, people don't gaze passionately into each other's eyes when having a conversation. It's awkward or you get intimidated or your mind is elsewhere and your attention's constantly shifting from the snack on your table to the computer screen to the cubicle in front of you where they're having a laugh. Stop. You're having a conversation with a person and both of you deserve five minutes of each other's time. Dramatic as that sounds, fully engage yourself in the conversation and you'll see that a couple of minutes is worth ten times more than going for multiple diluted half-hours about absolutely nothing.

3. It's question time! Ever casually mentioned something that's important to you in the hope that the other person actually picks up on it and asks you about it? Yes we've all made that lingering extra intonation in our speech and if we were lucky, the other person played along. So don't let it pass if someone brings up something you don't quite know about it, whether they seem overly enthusiastic about discussing it further or not. Asking questions shows that you're really listening. You might even learn something useful.

The mind is self-serving and tends to wander, but listening well helps in every aspect of life. Try out these simple cues and you'll find yourself doing exponentially better at the next social mixer or office party or summer soiree thrown your way.