To quit or not to quit?

One of the common dilemmas we face in our everyday life is when to call it quits. Ordinary mortals seem to have a better sense of when to draw the line and when to pursue matters with dogged persistence. However, as we go up the social or career ladder, we tend to develop the habit of "hanging on" to our positions, beliefs, ideas and power. This malady is most pronounced amongst the political class, especially the plutocracy -- with presidents and prime ministers attempting to perpetuate their rule in the name of "serving the people". The question is: "When does tenacity turn into obduracy, and when does ambition border megalomania?"

The human habit of never giving up is inculcated in us almost from childhood and runs into our formative years at school. Most of us remember our class teachers narrating the well-known legend of the Scottish King Robert the Bruce. Cowering in a cave after his defeat in a battle, Robert learned his life's lesson from a spider that was persistently trying to spin a web. It fell and failed several times, but finally succeeded. Inspired by the spider, King Robert turned his defeat into victory against the more superior British force.

Admittedly, persistence is a virtue. However, it may become counterproductive when it wears us down, or when we become utterly frustrated and disappointed. Life has no rewind button and at times we need to make hard choices to either continue on the same path or change course. And sometimes we have to tell ourselves: "I have done my best, but this is not to be. Let me surrender and move on to something else."

Astonishingly, most people find it hard to reach this realisation. Hence the key is to ask oneself before embarking on a task whether one's ambition is realistic or not. In this case, the time old serenity prayer comes in handy: "God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference!"

Even if we are successful and have accomplished our goal, there is a time when we must "quit" to make room for someone better or savvier. Unfortunately, most people  hold on to their ambitions and cannot let go. As I noted above, political leaders cling to power even after they realise that they are no longer effective or popular, either because they have become ineffective or times have changed. Similarly, artists who have outlived their peak cannot forsake the glamour of public adulation and many of them go into deep depression. Is it just the "Robert Bruce syndrome" or a more complex psychological phenomenon? The simple truth is that we humans have a natural aversion to be perceived as "losers". But life cannot be lived as a constant battle of losing or winning. If we have chosen a vocation that does not match our inherent talent or skill, why waste a lifetime trying to achieve that goal? I remember as a young mother, I insisted that my son learn to play the violin because I wanted to live my dreams through him. He must have realised early on that this was not his forte, but lacked the courage to quit lest he disappoint his parents. One day I went to a school concert where he was to play a solo piece. He came on stage with his violin and the moment he started playing a string snapped. There was an embarrassing silence. He reacted quickly and asked a fellow violin player for his instrument and completed his performance! The audience applauded him for his presence of mind and determination to continue despite the hiccup. But to me it was apparent that he did not want to be a violin player. I asked if he wanted to discontinue his lessons and he said yes. I am glad we made the decision before he reached the "breaking point", where there would be a showdown, or valuable time and resources would be wasted on an activity that he did not have a natural aptitude for.

Perhaps the most poignant lesson I learned about quitting at the right time was from my music guru Kanika Banerjee. She stopped performing publicly while still at the peak of her career and devoted herself to teaching. She would humbly say, "I want my fans to remember me at my best. I must not linger on until I lose my voice and my listeners are disappointed in me." For me she will always remain a singer with an eternally beautiful and melodious voice.

Robert the Bruce's story teaches us an important lesson about never giving up on our ambitions. However, a strong case can also be made for the biblical proverb - "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."

The writer is a renowned Rabindra Sangeet exponent and a former employee of the World Bank. Email:milia.ali@gmail.com