The #RealTalk© Annual Fasting Person Awards

In the true spirit of something or the other, instead of getting upset at people who make their fast a reason to really bring to life the jerks that they are, why not celebrate them and give them the recognition they truly deserve! The #RealTalk Annual Fasting Persons Award, the most prestigious awards of its kind, is here to do just that. Sit with your friends and see which person in your circle deserves the following awards. 

#RealTalk© Loudmouth of the Month

The #RT Loudmouth of the Month award was instituted back in the year 2014, with this columnist and cartoonist jointly bagging the awards two years running. This special recognition goes to the person who is not only fasting but is very, very concerned why everyone else isn't fasting. This is the same person who is always pondering why other people are eating around him. He makes a rant post on Facebook every time he sees a can of coke or a water bottle lying around the campus and heaven forbid there's an empty glass with a straw dangling on the end because that is probably the worst offense in his or her eyes. The #RT Loudmouth of the month doesn't care about the whole “no compulsion in religion” part because in his eyes, he is no longer God's servant but rather his executioner.

#RealTalk© Eater of the World: 

The #RT Eater of the World is the award that we give to the person who clearly likes defeating the purpose of the fast. To the EofW, (Eater of the World), health concerns go out the window come Iftar time. A little bit of this, a little bit of that and twenty minutes later the EofW will begin the next minute of the coming 30 minutes describing how bloated they feel and how much they overate. Then they'll go on a tirade against fasting saying how it only adds to their weight, explaining how a juice fast would be much better. The EofW then promises to rid himself or herself of this gluttony and watch themselves spectacularly fail the very next day. 

#RealTalk© Roja-Lagse Bhai: 

The RT Roja-Lagse Bhai (RLB) is one of the most prestigious and dignified awards that one can receive during this exciting month. The RLB is an especially distinguished honour reserved for those people who justify everything they do by blaming their fast. You can find them in the streets constantly yelling at the traffic, picking fights with everyone who crosses their paths and regularly messing up the most ordinary of tasks due to the sheer burden of their intense stupidity mingled with hunger. After iftar though, they pretend to be the nice people they were all along but everyone knows they are bluffing. Some people just need a reason to behave like an Ace-troll. 

#RealTalk© Logical Faster: 

The RT Logical Faster is a special recognition reserved for those individuals whose undeniable logic cannot be denied. This award is evidence of the recipient's excellent legal mind which he uses to find loopholes in the divine word. Unsurprisingly, the RT Logical Faster tends to usually be a smoker, a sure sign of a 100% deviant. The Logical Faster flummoxes people with his quick wit and sharp mind explaining how they can obviously smoke during their fast as they are clearly not ingesting anything. They also drink water while showering, blaming the coincidence of water going down their throat. The Logical Faster will also tell you why they don't have to start the fast at a government-designated period as opposed to what is ordained by the divine. The #RT Logical Faster is also the one who proudly announce they don't fast and it's between them and their God. It is. We know. Chill out bro, you are very cool. 

#RT© LOL-Muslim 4 a Month: 

The RT LOL-Muslim 4 a month is the best and most prestigious award handed out this month by this column, period. It is the pinnacle of underachievement this month and looks good on any CV provided it is a joke CV. The RT LOL-Muslim 4 a Month aka The Award Without Abbreviations is given to those who not only fast and pray this month but spend most of their time telling other people how they shouldn't be Muslim for a month. This award can be handed to anyone who loves making a point on how everyone else will go back to their old Satan-worshipping ways the minute the moon is Government-Certified Sighted by the prestigious Moon-Sighting Committee.  The #RT LOL-Muslim 4 a Month though will, presumably, fast the rest of his life, never watch TV or listen to music and pass judgment on others and their lives, forever. 

So, when you are all sitting watching Bangla channels for the first time and hoping the TV Adhaan comes faster than your local mosque's one, hand out some awards to while the time away! If you do hand them out, do let us know with a picture, so we can have a few cheers as well. Happy Ramadan!





Cartoon: Ehsanur Raza Ronny