The Big Bang Theory

I thought I was on a direct flight from Kuala Lumpur to Dhaka. But turns out there are two stops – the baggage claim area at Dhaka Airport and Azampur, Uttara. Each eats up an additional two hours. But I happily accept the first 'stop' as it shows business as usual in Dhaka, a city that has changed forever since July 1. The second, a new addition due to heightened security with all vehicles exiting Dhaka Airport having to make a U-turn at Azampur, Uttara, is an inconvenience that I am happy to embrace as long as there is no more Holey or Sholakia.

I just hope we don't miss the U-turn point, as that means the next break in the road divider is at Chapai Nawabganj. For once, the horrible traffic jam on Airport Road looks like one giant, benign, peaceful and even welcoming parking lot with a zillion vehicles 'parked' in perfect order and even better, having to pay no parking fees. The normal Dhaka traffic and its fifty shades of smog never looked so wonderful. 

I then enter the 'green zone', aka, Gulshan which makes airport security pale into insignificance. My car gets a thorough check by courteous security personnel as I co-operate to the fullest. 

Once I enter Gulshan, it's déjà vu of the original residential Gulshan with its desolate streets. The staff of even one popular hangout on Gulshan Avenue hangs out on the street with no work inside. Making a reservation at a restaurant in the 'Tri-State Area' (Gulshan-Banani-Baridhara) used to be "Too many people there? Can you please squeeze in a table for two?". Now it's "Too many people there? Uhm. Thank you!" and then calling up Hungry Naki.

I finally reach home and after some quality time with the family, I switch on the TV. TV is no longer 'T'ele 'V'ision, but rather 'T'ele 'V'iolence. Whichever TV channel I tune into, there's the omnipresent and almost expected violence – movies with gory scenes, talk shows with volleys of verbal missiles, cartoons with Jerry beating up Tom since animation was invented, Animal Planet with the cheetah in hot pursuit of the gazelle, even CNN Headline News with the daily dose of reporting on global violence (CNN should be rated 'R'). Hook up your Wii to the TV and it's war games. 

Just two days of lull since I'm back in town. And then Operation Storm 26. Only a question of time before IS (if not already) claims the young men as franchisees. An enviable position to be in – a 'brand' so well 'established' that even if an incident is 'local' or 'isolated', IS can always claim responsibility and score major points against its arch rival Al Qaeda. IS may soon retroactively claim credits for all the Kamikaze raids.

Meanwhile, landlords are rounded up for not submitting information on their deadly tenants. Soon everyone in the long supply chain of sophisticated arms and munitions, starting from the source manufacturer to all the middlemen in between will be rounded up as being abettors to the crime called terrorism. 

And so, Gulshan is eventually becoming a self-imposed Guantanamo, while, "see you later" turns from a guarantee to a hope and "stay safe" turns from a casual good bye to a game of Russian Roulette.  

Oh, Rajinikanth, where are you? I thought you once 'took care' of a terrorist merely with Bluetooth while whistling in five languages. For that matter, oh peace, where art thou? Then again, have we ever really had world peace? After all, some say that it all started with the Big 'Bang' Theory…

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com