Rome wasn't destroyed in a day

I jump out of my skin as the motorbike honks for me to move sideways. By reflex, I try to step aside, only to realise that there is no room but a not-so-welcoming drain. A further realisation that I am on the sidewalk (footpath) as the motorbike behind me is honking for me to give way. If food can take over the footpath with food stalls, so can motorbikes with their foot pedals. Humans, make way.

In essence, our age old tradition of char (surfaced land from receding river levels) dakhal (grabbing) has merely taken a more urbanised form as seen on the footpaths. The 2.0 version of char dakhal is with actual brick and mortal real estate where the tenant one day all of a sudden becomes the landlord.

Running out of excitement, the next step is to snub zoning. The West has the urban sprawl, we have the urban mix. Perhaps the intention was to build cities within cities, given that it takes two days to get from Dhanmondi to Gulshan, thanks to traffic. So, it makes sense to turn each residential area into a self sufficient city – why just have homes with nothing to do once one steps outside? So, there are schools, colleges, universities, hospitals, hotels, offices, shops, restaurants, banquet halls…in residential areas. Hey, Dhanmondi even boasts its own airport – legend has it that the city's emergency back-up landing strip is the Manik Mia Avenue.

Some claim that the people from different areas are different (???). A restaurateur once described to me that the palate of a Dhanmondian is different from that of a Gulshanite. Hmm. I never knew that. Are there differences in accents too? Were we anticipating a visa system to travel from Banani to Dhanmondi? Or vacation packages from Baridhara to Dhanmondi – "3 days, 2 nights, with jet ski-ing on Dhanmondi Lake and greenery at Crescent Lake while dining on Road 27. Includes return AC bus ride from Kakoli to Sobhanbagh and back."

And there is more. Sourav Ganguly steps off a helicopter, describing a futuristic city with simplex, duplex, triplex, multiplex, cineplex. . . a whole concrete complex that is super complex, as he further claims that it is something that we have 'never seen before'. He is right, we have never seen TV, surfed the net or travelled overseas. And what's up with the chopper? Oh wait, there's an international airport nearby – sure I would love to have jet planes landing over my head every night.

Yes, Dhaka has changed and has morphed into a melting pot – a pot with everything melting everywhere. But it has happened at tectonic plate speeds, right in front of the eyes of the concerned but helpless, as right under the noses of the concerned authorities and supposed helpful as Gulshan turned into Gulistan, Banani into Banana Republic (Kalabagan), Baridhara into Jatrabaridhara, while of course, Gulistan, Jatrabari and Kalabagan have steadfastly maintained their own inherent charm.

The reversal is a step in the right direction – making Dhaka great again and building walls around Gulshan (paid for by Banani). What may not work is to take seven tablets in one day whereas the doctor prescribed dosage is one tablet daily for seven days. But just as Rome was not built in a day, it was not destroyed in a day ether. Again, the intention is perfect, but do factor in the time given the economics and practicality.

Now, let's see, how long has it been since the tanneries were asked to move from Hazaribagh?

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com.