Veilbook

I walk to the southern part of Torrey Pines Beach in San Diego, California. Only when I thought that this part of the beach is a collection of bare chested middle aged men with the equivalent of sagging mammary glands, a closer look (ok, discreet too) reveals that both the genders are present. Lest I am forced to abide by the edict of Marc Etienne Lansade, Mayor of Cogolin, France: "If you are accepted in Rome – do like Romans do", I leave the area in a hurry towards the more 'decently' clad part of the beach – that with beach goers in bikinis. After all, America HAS accepted me at face value…

Mayor Lansade has banned the burkini in the French Riviera town. As the image of the burkini clad woman being accosted by armed policemen goes viral, his words once again echo in my mind: "If you are accepted in Rome – do like Romans do." I'm sure then the French were in Bedouin outfits and threw away their French wine and cheese once they were 'accepted' in Algeria and Morocco while French Mirage pilots must have been communicating with ground controllers in Arabic once inside Libyan airspace.

Mayor Lansade goes on to tell CNN: "I don't think that many of them do that (wear a burkini) because they want to – but because they have to. We have to protect those people."

Oh how thoughtful! I'm sure he will also follow these burkini clad women to their houses and slap their husbands and then help their kids with homework.

He further adds: "Go to Saudi Arabia and be naked and see what will happen to you." Now why on earth would one go around naked, of all the places, in Saudi Arabia while there is the 'southern' Torrey Pines Beach? Bear in mind, baring it all in Saudi Arabia means bearing the scorching desert heat into becoming a human barbecue. Besides, why go so far? The dire consequences can be experienced much easily right there at the Champs-Élysées for indecent exposure.

The former French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who plans to run again for the nation's top job, throws in his support for the ban. If he becomes the president again, he may mandate while following his own lifestyle that every immigrant man in France go for a former singer/model while his official visit to Dhaka sees him in a panjabi and lungi, while eating rice and curry with his bare hands – all of these as part of a 'Roman being in Rome'. Yes, bare hands, no burkini-like Latex gloves covering his fingers.

Mayor Landsade and Mr. Sarkozy are no lone rangers. Thirty other mayors in France including the French Prime Minister Manuel Valls join in on the ban. The French PM describes Marianne, the symbol of the French Republic: "Her breast is exposed [in the famous painting depicting her in battle] because she is feeding the people [of France]. She isn't wearing a veil because she is free." The French PM has indeed gone Back to the Future through his hindsight to determine the foresight of the nineteenth century painting regarding the twenty first century obsession with Islamophobia.

Perhaps those who placed nude statues of Donald Trump in several US cities would have fared better if the statues were placed in the French Riviera. They would surely not have been taken down hastily stating "illegal erections, no matter how minor." Oh man, the puns…

The way things are going, France may call Facebook the Veilbook as it has the 'Cover' Photo option and therefore ban it.

If France wants to de-clad a burkini wearing woman to a bikini clad 'Roman in Rome', I hope it bears in mind that baring a bikini doesn't make a woman any less or more empowered than she already is. Moreover, cops asking a bikini clad expat in Cox's Bazaar to wear a sari like a Roman in Rome will surely be shunned by the West as committing a gross encroachment on personal freedom…

Just curious – what happens to a nun or an Amish woman walking on a French beach?

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com