Do You Recognise the Patriarchy?

pa·tri·arch·y

noun

A system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it.

It seeps into every race, every class, and every gender. It crawls into every society, every home, and every nation. It destroys. 

For those less privileged, it is much worse – bad enough that one who hasn't been in their shoes cannot even comprehend what it must be like, how gut-wrenching the pain of living everyday can become.

But even women like me, who are privileged and come from middle-class backgrounds, face the atrocities of patriarchy, from the smallest of events to the biggest of crimes.

Albeit in different magnitudes, for all women, everyday is a struggle, everyday, a battle to survive.

It's 8:30 pm. Not too late, but it's already dark. You have just finished your work at the office and have to take a rickshaw home from the narrow street next to where you work. You've been travelling from this very point for the past four years. And still, every night, when you have to take that rickshaw, from that very place, your pulse rises. Beads of sweat appear on your forehead, from the fear of being alone. "If there was just one other person with me" has always been your final thought before you leave work. 

This is patriarchy.

You always wanted to be a working woman. At the age of 18, you got yourself a job you love. Then you got another. Then you got another. Being a workaholic, that's all you kept yourself busy with. After 6 years of tireless devotion, things began to kick-off. You began to reach new heights. People began recognising you for your efforts. But at the same time, people also began talking, asking questions. Colleagues, relatives, friends, family, men, women – "Why isn't she getting married yet?" they asked, "Shouldn't she settle down? What's the point of working so hard if it doesn't acquire her a husband?"

This is patriarchy.

You love children. Always have. Since you were 9-years-old, you've been the neighbourhood babysitter. Taking care of others' children always made you want to have your own. So when you reached a certain age, after realising that a 9-5 job just wasn't your thing, you wanted to get married to that man who's been your partner the last few years. You wanted to have your children with him, nurture them, and raise them into wonderful human beings with dreams and ambitions. Some women snarled at you, called you and your ambitions 'weak'. "Do men want such things? How will we ever be empowered with children to cook and clean after?" they smirked, thinking that having a man's ambition is what will help women move forward. 

This is patriarchy.

When you were 8, you had hurt yourself and you fell to the ground crying. Your mother came to you and said, "You're a boy! Boys don't cry!" A few years later, your first girlfriend cheated on you and left. It broke your heart and the tears fell. Your friends made fun of you, "Are you even a man?" they asked. When you left for college, you hugged your father. It felt like the last time. You tried to swallow it down, but your eyes watered anyway. "What is wrong with you? Don't cry at college! You're a man!" said the person you were embracing. You remembered these words, all of them. You decided to close yourself off completely, grew like a rock. Now, you can't cry. But to feel the relief, you raise your hand – on men, on women, on children. Hitting makes you feel more like a man than crying ever did. Who cares if someone's hurt? If they're a man, they won't cry about it. 

This is patriarchy. 

A man smokes freely on the road, you can't because you're afraid someone will call you a whore. 

This is patriarchy. 

Women and men have separate sporting events, because the women 'can't match up to the men'.

This is patriarchy. 

You are chosen for a film, not because your acting is polished, but because you have a nice body and are easier to objectify. 

Your brother never cleaned his room. You cleaned yours, his, and then everyone else's. He's the son. He's the prince. 

This is patriarchy. 

Your salary being calculated according to your gender. 

Men not wanting to fight back because, as a woman, 'you're sensitive'. 

This is patriarchy. 

You are breaking down. Hoping, wanting to be a man instead to feel safe on the streets, to be free. 

This is patriarchy. 

These are things the textbook definition will never tell you. 

Even that is patriarchy. 

These are just a few, from a sea of examples, of the discrimination that we face everyday. Women aren't the only victims of this phenomenon. Children, other genders, and even animals fall victim to patriarchy, the ultimate boost to the most fragile of things – a man's ego, the ego that can shatter at anything, the ego that can turn a man into a monster. Patriarchy gives the wrong kind of power. Patriarchy hits, patriarchy rapes, patriarchy kills. 



Even women now, so used to it throughout their lives, have patriarchal mindsets. Yet, for any home, society, neighbourhood, or even nation to achieve peace and equality, we must work together to remove any kind of hierarchy at all – whether patriarchal or matriarchal. That, and only that, is equality in its truest essence. 



But in order to do that, we must first see it for exactly what it is. 



So, do you now recognise the patriarchy?