Daily social media things in real life

The frequent power failures, the blistering heat and the fear of the trending chikungunya had forced me to finally rethink my life and sit down with a pen and paper to reevaluate my priorities. Turns out, social media (no surprise there) has been taking over my life with impending threat and sooner or sooner-er, the thinning line between social media life and real life will disappear faster than the purple flower reactions.

I mean, come to think if it, our pattern of behaviour is pretty mental in social media but apply all those in real life and you will realise, we really are the creepiest species on the planet. (Crying reactions only)

BEFRIENDING/FOLLOWING PEOPLE

You do not have to fret anymore about making acquaintance with the pretty gal your friend brought to the hangout. What would have seemed odd by asking her to be your friend would exactly be the thing you would be doing right now. The reason has been fortified by the fact that you both share a mutual friend and even on the absence of said reason, you can simply saunter up to her and utter the three magical words, "appy nyc lagca" and watch the magic ensue. It will not count as presumptuous even if you disturbingly start following people that you like and poke them twice a day, for real that is. 

TALKING IN CAPTIONS

You spot your dimwitted cousin at a wedding, the latest one to be hit by puberty, reveling in a suit and a tragic patch of newly found facial hair. All of these were acceptable until you hear him say to a passerby how "swag is for boys and class is for men." Well, that is how absurd things would be once everyone starts vocalising captions while communicating. Some would mutter the deepest of quotes by Paulo Coelho staring out the window sitting in traffic; others would ensure you are aware of everything they are wearing, shouting out all the brands. 

REAL LIFE HUMAN REACTIONS

Responding to a particular activity or news would achieve a whole new level, when you would have people go "Wow!" with a sluggish-down tempo just like the reaction in Chasebook. I personally would have relished it if I received synchronised Wow reactions from my friends every time I made an awe inspiring speech about life and career goals instead of putting up a status. On the opposite, a passive aggressive smile like the smiling emoji or a thumbs up would surely unsettle us. 

Going down this line, tapping someone to show some love in actuality would get pretty awkward. How would it be if you saw your crush standing in glamour and bumblr mood and had to tap her twice to show your admiration? Yeah, let's hope blocking would not be equivalent to a restraining order in real life. 

LOSING YOUR SANITY SEEING PUPPIES AND CATS

I bet even the Hulk secretly subscribes to daily cat and dog videos. Watching a basket of squirming members of the feline and canine family makes our toes curl in gooey feelings. Everyone I know pretty much starts acting like a hormonal teenager having a sugar rushwatching these videos. But acting this erratic once you actually come across someone's pet dog or cat would result in only 'bamboozlement.' On the bright side, the stray ones on the streets would finally get all the love and attention they need. 

THE CONSTANT URGE TO UPDATE YOUR STORY

You just had lunch out and you just have to let your peeps know about it immediately before the next exciting thing happens like the weather changing. Rain is a classic example. It's the time when you feel the urgency to declare it's raining despite the fact that everyone already knows about it. I wonder how we would share our constantly updating stories in the absence of the tools we are bestowed with. Wait, I don't want to know.  

I think social media served the purpose of revealing how deranged we are and the future surely looks confusing like the conversations in a group chat. At this point, I am just praying they would stop with the updates. 

Iqra suffers from wanderlust, dreams of discovering the Loch Ness Monster and occasionally complains about Economics. Tell her to get a life at iqra.kashmir53@gmail.com or www.facebook.com/iqra.l.qamari