THE VAINGLORIOUS NERD RAGER

These are the kind of people who take the game way too seriously, and when they play, their adrenaline goes into overdrive. Throwing fits of rage and blaming others are their conventions. Even if you are sure you are doing nothing wrong, the vainglorious nerd ragers will find faults in your techniques. They could write a book on what you did wrong, and if you disagree, they will go all curmudgeons on you, reminding you that they have been professionals since the Byzantine era. However, no matter how much you hate their snobbishness, they sometimes have the best methods to win.

THE AWOL NOOB

When he first begins to play, this person is like a sponge: curious to know everything. He is also quite well-mannered and enthusiastic, and as he finally starts to gear up properly, you become assured he will be a worthy team member. However, a few days later, he stops playing. If he comes back, it is temporary, and he is sure to have a lame excuse by his side. Give it a few more days and he will permanently vanish off the face of the pixel world.

THE BLUE JASMINE

"Is it wrong that I'm playing video games when I should be doing my homework? I'm a disappointment to my parents, aren't I?"

"Hey guys, sorry I couldn't play last night. I was actually up crying on my pillow because my boyfriend seems to have forgotten about our half anniversary. Turns out, he was talking to another girl. What am I going to do with my life? Nobody cares about me."

"I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment both here and IRL. But then, without pain, how could we know joy?"

THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC 

Every game has those. Boy and girl live ten thousand miles away from each other, yet make googly eyes at each other's grainy profile pictures, and fill in the group chat with gag-worthy, sappy dialogues. One of them actually told me that their friend found the love of his life through that game, and ended up marrying.

THE GARRULOUS NEEDY INVALID

This person puts a half-hearted effort into the game, accomplishes nothing whatsoever, and spends ninety percent of his time chatting about a Game of Thrones episode. He seems to have less responsibility IRL than your blue discus aquarium fish, for whenever you log into the game, he is online and immediately pops up with questions about any recently released movies or a story about what his friend's dog did in Greece. 

Zarin Rayhana is a self-aggrandizing ambivert who ponders over philosophical epiphanies during rainy evenings and waits for her crush to jump straight out of her favourite novel. Treat her with novel suggestions at ericaavianazarin@gmail.com