This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Country roads, take me home, unless it's in North Bengal because the roads have lost it.



TAURUS

Hormuz is the name of a strait, most offensives memes you see are bait. 



GEMINI

Return the book you borrowed from a friend 7 years ago because they will never forgive you for keeping it.



CANCER

Is it worth it? All these moments of hard work, destroyed by one bad decision, you sure you want to do this?



LEO

State your name and repeat it 5 minutes later, because you're not special and everyone forgets it.



VIRGO

Tracking yourself on Google Maps on a journey out of town is NOT a good reason to eat up data.



LIBRA

Most men who don't know about mansplaining will explain to you why it's not real.



SCORPIO

As a man of old age once told me, "Diabetes is bad."



SAGITTARIUS

Shouldn't you be studying hard for that exam which is really important but you have no chance of doing well in?



CAPRICORN

Good things would happen to good people but bad people cut in and have them happen to them.



AQUARIUS

A floating torso came up to me the other day and said, "Camouflage pants aren't bad." 



PISCES

You either die an unreasonable CNG driver or live long enough to see Tuber and Uthao take over.