This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Sporadic bouts of sadness lead to a healthy lifestyle.
TAURUS
Agamemnon didn't know it'd end up this way.
GEMINI
Nine inch nails are impractically long.
CANCER
Dorothy was right but Alex, you need to fix your hair.
LEO
West Bromwich Albion gives you palpitation, and it's warranted.
VIRGO
It may take a long time for you to understand but.
LIBRA
Crimea is surprisingly small.
SCORPIO
Hugo liked fries a lot until he became Huge.
SAGITTARIUS
Eskimos hug you when they're warm because you're that cold.
CAPRICORN
Saline water is unfit for drinking, saline people for love.
AQUARIUS
You tell me, man. What ARE we doing?
PISCES
As far as you're concerned, no.
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