This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Guavas and Apples every day, doctors riot.
TAURUS
Uranium is like water, much more useful when purified.
GEMINI
Iberia is the peninsula Korea wants to be, but can't.
CANCER
Teletubbies have their heads shaved at a very early age.
LEO
Arnold, can you Schwarznegger?
VIRGO
Royal weddings mean some of us aren't royal, and that's not good.
LIBRA
Guitar George may know all the chords, but did he ever make a hundred at Lord's?
SCORPIO
Ezequiel Lavezzi would have run more, but Gonzalo didn't let him.
SAGITTARIUS
Olive branches are held out but swatted away by people like you.
CAPRICORN
Rain me a river, Dhaka.
AQUARIUS
Glory to the one, who is me in no way but shape or form.
PISCES
Evil lies in the armpits of men on buses.
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