This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Pasta won't help with the relationship problem.



TAURUS

Aliens will invade and only you can save them.



GEMINI

Your dad also did not watch Game of Thrones, you turned out to be okay.



CANCER

Solve world's poverty, get yourself a job.



LEO

Skip dinner it might be poisoned.



VIRGO

Buy an overpriced grey t-shirt from some online store to get lucky.



LIBRA

Avoid eating beef this Wednesday, Friday and forever.



SCORPIO

It would be good to build a writing habit, start with your mom's birthday wish on her Facebook wall.



SAGITTARIUS

A keyboard warrior never gives up, try backspace though.



CAPRICORN

Tomatoes are red, avocados are green, reading self-help books is the worst sin.



AQUARIUS

Your next business should be lice killers for ride sharing app's helmet users.



PISCES

Notes won't be the only sticky thing you touch today