Weddings A-hoy
From an outside perspective, weddings here in Bangladesh appear to be the epitome of glamour – and they are. In comparison to Western weddings, they are usually more ostentatious, as culture and tradition dictates. Brides are swathed not in ivory but bold, bright reds, and grooms are dressed in equally stunning outfits.
There are, of course, differences in the events themselves.
Bangladeshi weddings are split into four main ceremonies: two gaaye holuds for the bride and groom, the wedding itself, and the reception. It is becoming increasingly common nowadays to combine the two gaaye holuds into one huge event for both wedding parties, but that doesnot for a second detract from the effort put in to the festivities marking this momentous occasion.
Bangladeshi weddings have a certain charm, perhaps because these are centuries-old ceremonies steeped in culture. There's a sense of predictability – not that that's a bad thing – which is comforting and familiar.
The gaaye holud will most likely be dominated by warm hues such as yellows and oranges echoing the turmeric paste that lends its name to the ceremony, with garlands of marigolds adorning the dais, and dance routines to cheesy 90s Hindi songs that people pretend to cringe at but secretly can't get enough of.
The wedding itself is extravagant beyond comparison. The bride's outfit is usually some shade of red, be it a vivid vermillion or a more subdued but equally glamorous scarlet embellished with thousands beads and sequins that sparkle brighter than a clear night's sky.
Weddings and kachhi are almost synonymous with each other. If you're invited to your mother's second cousin's eldest son's wedding ceremony, you'll inevitably find yourself agreeing to go purely for the food. There is a stark contrast here with Western weddings whereby abroad, you may be served three delicate courses of beautifully plated food. It's not so much the case here where instead you'll see white-clad waiters zooming around tables with platters heaped with our beloved kachhi biriyani, and plates of roast chicken and kebabs, topped off with the quintessential pastel green glass of borhani. It may not be to everyone's taste but it's a wedding staple and will remain so for many more years to come.
The wedding reception, or bou bhaat, follows soon after and while it is a slightly toned-down version of its preceding ceremony, it is still very much another flashy affair where the happy couple get a chance to properly mingle with their guests.
The cost of lavish weddings will come to several lakhs, although you'd have to be planning something beyond extraordinary if you go into double-digits. Nevertheless, the price tag is inconsequential when it comes to paying for the happiest day of your life.
Bangladeshi weddings that are held abroad are naturally going to be different to local ones. Expenditure-wise, you may find that the cost of a bridal sari or lehengaand matching jewellery sets is significantly higher than it would be here in Bangladesh. Catering abroad relies on traditional Indian menus, instead of the typical 'deshi' spreads you associate with weddings. Kachhi, the mainstay of Bangladeshi weddings, is replaced with lightly spiced rice and accompanied by steaming baskets of naan, with various curries and chutneys crowding your table. Having your wedding abroad also means you lose some of the little quirky traditions that define our concept of biye'ronushthan.
It's hard to put a finger on what it is exactly that makes weddings abroad slightly more sober than our ones here. That's not to say that one is better than the other, but it is an observation held by many people that unless it is held on Bangladeshi soil, 'deshi' ceremonies will always lack that certain je ne sais quoi. Having said that, in the grand scheme of things, the location is a mere detail, and whether you get married in Bangladesh, or America, or the UK, or anywhere else, the important thing is the happiness of the bride and groom.
It's a time when families come together from all four corners of the globe to celebrate. They sing, they dance, and they eat until they can't sing and dance anymore. Even if you are abroad, for those few days it's like you're transported back to Bangladesh, and there's no better feeling.
By Zahrah Haider
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