Satire: SomeBODI that I used to know

The #ThoughtsandPrayers agency in heaven went into delirium on Saturday when famed anti-drug activist Baby Boudee held a milad-e-mehfil, requesting divine intervention to rid the country of the scourge of drugs.

The act itself was tantamount to self-harm; something the celestial authority have never taken too kindly.

Afterall, Baby Boudee, the self-styled anti-drug activist, had first fully learned the ins and outs of the drug trade. This was not done through research, but rather by being a drug dealer himself and putting himself in the crosshairs as any brave and idealistic young man would.

His bravery was, however, ridiculed, as the press constantly asked for his head during last year's anti-narcotics drive.

Here was a man risking it all for the sake of the people.

You cannot fight that which you do not know. That was Baby Boudee's motto to live by.

During the milad, Boudee expressed his utter shame about being told about the yaba drug everywhere he went. In tears, he said he could not even hold his head up in places outside his sphere of influence. He could not even shoot those who opposed him in such places. After all, a dog is a tiger only in his own home.

He also spoke about how yaba had destroyed many homes. Boudee was probably alluding to his own home. In his pursuit of untangling the drug trade, he had involved his brothers, step-brothers, wife and even his in-laws.

At one point during the milad he raised his hands towards the heavens and begged the lord to “free the country of yaba”. Or maybe he said, “Free yaba.” We could not verify what were in the milad packets, so have no idea if they contained those crazy pink pills too.

The zeal with which he pursued drugs and drug traders not only gave him a treasure trove of useful information but also earned him great wealth. But like all great activists, he ensured the wealth was distributed evenly. He was fast becoming the modern version of a Colombian socialist: sell the drugs, distribute the money evenly.

He shared everything he earned, in a testament to his Robin Hood-like image. 

An ACC investigation at Saint Martin's, Boudee's place of residence, revealed his unending generosity. It showed that Boudee had illegally earned around Tk 7 crore and kept them in banks in the name of his relatives and close friends.

But his passion came at great costs. No political party wanted to touch him. Yet, he touched upon every one of them. Why be loyal when you can just jump ship repeatedly? Not that anyone cared.

He switched party allegiance till someone finally took a punt on him. Soon, armed with ministerial powers, Boudee expanded his empire further.

In Saturday's milad, he subtly addressed this by saying he wanted to get rid of yaba in Saint Martin's. What he didn't say was that, let's be honest, it doesn't fetch a good price here. Now, Dhaka, that's where the market was at. And Boudee knew that. And he had to get that jewel in his crown to once and for all capture the drug trade that he had intended to break down all along.

However, with nosy government and press officials constantly on his back, his dream has to be put on hold. The conspiracy to stop him is never ending. He is a drug trader who is anti-drugs. How is that hard to understand?

Boudee is walking down Vincent Van Gogh's path. He is walking down the paths of gods. Misunderstood and maligned. Maybe we will learn to appreciate him when he is gone. To jail.