I got 99 problems but Facecrook isn't one

Rapper Harainai Selim has really created a buzz in recent weeks with the lecture following her latest single, 'I got 99 problems but Facecrook isn't one'. The self-proclaimed wordsmith and The Greatest Understander of Social Media recently told legions of her fans that the biggest threat to the undisputed and close to illegal reign of her label, Bangers Are Krazy Socially Awkward Lunatics, was Facecrook, a social media tool's tool. Highlighting the recent spate of seemingly well-coordinated attacks on acts associated with her, she pinpointed Facecrook as the means through which the terrorists have been giving her squeaky-clean label a bad name. However, she expressed her concerns that many of her fans may not be paying attention to what she has to say, considering that apart from her bestowed title, she seems to have no experience regarding what she is talking about or even trying to do. 

When informed that despite her best efforts, certain factions were continuing their use of Facecrook unabated; Harainai Selim had much to say. “I represent the people- not those who are breaking the laws- like they are evil. It's better that you ask them- before I unleash my wrath and unmask them,” the zero times winner of absolutely any notable award in the history of the universe said. Reporters, jerks that they are, pointed out that there were people in her very own label and people she tasked with upholding the law who were actually using Facecrook. “They usin' it to find others usin' it. It's simple and no confusin' it,” she explained. Yes, that makes a ton of sense. 

But as often is the case in the black and white world of hip-hop, Harainai said her main intention was to squash the beef. “The deal with Facecrook will help the government curb the number of cyber crimes and help me spring more awesome rhymes. And violence against women will come down significantly too, that's certainly true, although how, I ain't got a clue,” she monologued, explaining her latest attempt to cut a deal with the social media giant. In 2006, a similar deal was mooted by the other side but it was then rejected and now that her label has failed to get information on 16 users, who probably use the media to form parodies of her song, the issue has once again come to the surface and now a letter has been issued to make sure the deal goes through.

The biggest concern though for MC Harainai Selim remains her fans of course, most of whom don't even like her and have no reason to listen to anything she has to say. In fact, many among them have taken to using illegal channels to access Facecrook, something that Harainai has already said to be monitoring. “See, no one's gon' listen to anyone here. The label wants to make laws by breakin' them and their fans just follow, like when they follow their leaders taking the wrong way on the road to cut the traffic,” an industry insider explained.

Harainai Selim, for now, hopes she can get enough support for her cause especially since she has said that the move to completely get access to everyone's Facecrook's private moments will help her curb violence against women. How on earth those two are related though is not for us to dwell on. Like she said in her hit single “Women in Power”, 'throw the women in the mix, one of my greatest tricks, the white night's can't resist, one hand on swords to save us and the other on….,'. For now it seems Rapper Harainai Selim has a bright future in this world of braggadocio and given her artistic background she can fake it till she makes it better than others. Unless her label swallows her up first; something they are notoriously known to do for anyone who cannot trace their blood line to the first Banger ever known. It seems this is where Jay Z and we all differ because while we do have 99 problems we also have the other one.