As a millennial you want to name your baby something unique. You’re horrified at your parents’ decisions to name you after random household objects like Shampoo, Shaban, Balti, and anything they found in their garden, like Apel, Peyara, and Lichu. How lazy. You also haven’t forgotten how in sixth grade, five different Sadmans professed their love for you.  

Unlike them, and as a proud millennial, you want your kid to stand out. Unless people ask “What?” five times before they give up then politely pretend to understand your child’s name, you’re not doing it right. The last thing you want is a name based on their physical appearance i.e. Motu, Chhotu, or Golu.

Instagram filters

Nothing screams hip as much as Instagram filters. Tabassum who? Say hi to Amaro. You know who needs their diaper changed? Baby Sierra.

Greeks gods

People really need to understand how special your child is. So what if it breathes and eats like every other child? Your “angel sent from above” is different so name her Athena, Antheia, or Aphaea.

Harry Potter names

Harry Potter-themed akika anyone? Why delay imposing your own interests on your child when you can start on Day 1? Bring out the Butterbeer and jump aboard the Hogwarts Express because baby Luna/ Ariana/Lily is here. Bonus points — if to ward off the evil eye – your baby has a thunderbolt-shaped mark on their forehead because a circle is just so basic.

Ambiguous Bangla/English names

Is this a Bangla or an English name? Doesn’t matter if you can keep it vague. Neal, Arya, Aurora – the less the people know the better.

Bend it like Beckham

Every parent has high hopes for their child; your parents did too. Why not profess your love for your favourite footballer while forever burdening your child with the weight of their namesake’s fame? Meet baby Ozil, Muller, Reus, and Eden.

You also want to completely avoid adding an embarrassing nickname and confuse the child by calling them by one name at home and another at school. If they go through an identity crisis (which they will at some point) it really shouldn’t be because of this.

Mrittika Anan Rahman is a daydreamer trying hard not to run into things while walking. Find her at mrittika.anan@gmail.com