Host: Good evening, and welcome to another edition of TAILORS OF DOOM!

[Audience claps and screams out name of the show in unison]

Host: Today on our show, we have two groups of contestants from rivalling tailoring shops. Groups, please send one contestant to the podium and we’ll begin Round 1. This segment is called “But I know better!”

[Audience laughs]

Host: Tell me about a time your client gave you specific instructions but you simply refused to listen because, after all, you know better.

Contestant 1 [hits buzzer]: One time a client gave detailed instructions on how her outfit was to be made and looked really excited about it. But she didn’t know what she was talking about so I made the outfit exactly how I thought it should be made. I’m the one making the outfit so the process is clearly all about me.

Host: You clearly don’t seem to understand how this profession works. 10 points!

Contestant 2 [hits buzzer]: A client once ordered some clothes to be made all in full sleeves but it was in the middle of summer so I don’t know what she was thinking. I did her a favour and made them half sleeved. Turns out she lived abroad and was getting the clothes made to wear all year round. Oops!

Host: Now you’re just wasting people’s money. You get 12 points!

[Audience cheers]

Our next round is the “Vapid Fire Round”. Contestants in 30 seconds name as many excuses you’ve used on your clients when you’ve completely messed up their orders and you secretly knew it’s your fault. You may begin… Now!

Contestant 4: I didn’t make the dress too loose, you lost weight in the last two weeks. Congratulations on the weight loss by the way.

Contestant 3: The design I gave will look better on you than the one you asked for anyway.

Contestant 1: Oh, I’ve got one! It’s not the worst thing that I made your kameez inside out. The fabric is actually quite nice on both sides. Try wearing it and you’ll see.

Contesant 2: I know I said I’d use pink in the neck design but you see all of the markets in Dhaka ran out of pink fabric this very week and the closest colour to pink is black, obviously.

Host: Folks, stay tuned and when we return from the commercials we’ll bring out the customers whom our tailors have told they’re currently out of town to avoid delivering their clothes in our final round – “Guess Who’s Secretly Still In Town?”

[Contestants panic]

[Audience cheers]

Mrittika Anan Rahman is a daydreamer trying hard not to run into things while walking. Find her at mrittika.anan@gmail.com