Five Stages, One Bad Haircut

ILLUSTRATION: JUNAID IQBAL ISHMAM

BARGAINING

Before you could get comfortable, the hairdresser has already chopped off a good two inches—more than you had asked. Instantly, you begin having a conversation with yourself.

“Say something!”

However, your crippling need to please people and your discomfort with unpleasant social interactions stop you. So you strike up a bargain. You start offering anything to get yourself to speak up before it gets worse.

“Please say something. We’ll buy the milkshake we’ve been craving for a week if you do!”

Hah, you’re only met with a rapidly pounding heart and a counter bargain.

“Hmm, maybe it’s not that bad? She is a hairdresser. She must know what she’s doing.”

The battle between the rational you and the introvert you rages on until suddenly, it’s too late. Your hair has been destroyed.

PANIC

The following stage is always panic. With a nervous smile, you pay for something you didn’t want, lie about how much you like it, and bolt out. You pull on your hoodie over your head in shame.

Upon reaching home, you stand before the mirror with a look of terror on your face. You stare at yourself and bite your nails. It’s even worse than you thought.

THERAPY

“Hello,” you tell yourself in a trembling voice. “You can’t ever go outside again.”

And it begins. It starts with the rant about how your hairdresser doesn’t know how to do her job and shifts to self-hatred for not saying anything.

“I’m paying for it, aren’t I?” you ask your less-than-bothered reflection. “I should have said something.”

Alas! From a bad haircut to self-doubt and then questioning your entire life.

ACCEPTANCE

The longer you stare at yourself in the mirror, the more you notice the great texture your hair seems to have.

“Maybe it wasn’t so bad? Maybe I was overreacting?”

To answer your question—yes, you were. But that’s only a very natural part of the process.

Soon, you start to experiment, putting your hair up in different ways to see which way looks most flattering.

“This might very well be okay.”

GLAMOUR

By the third day, you are rocking the new haircut. You start to discover all the great things about this hairstyle that you were too upset to notice before. Your faith in hairdressers is restored. You have a new pep in your walk and a twinkle in your eye every time you go somewhere.

Syeda Erum Noor is dangerously oblivious and has no sense of time. Send help at erum.noor1998@gmail.com