Hi, there. Yes, I'm talking to you. Yes, yes, all is well and fine. I'm actually going to save you from all the sharing graces of small talk and rather jump straight into sharing about how hard long distance relationships really are in fruit life. It's more along the lines of impossible, honestly, just like getting that perfect jiggle on your panna cotta. I guess when the love of your life is on the line, distance becomes only a number. Wait, or was it age? Never mind, that isn't even the point. You see, if distance was all it took to make this relationship work, I would travel across the world every weekend. Life is never that simple though, is it?

Okay, I'm spiralling. Let me begin properly, this time right from the start.

My name is Pineapple Comosus and I live with my family in Hawaii. The reason why I'm traveling halfway across the globe is to have a secret rendezvous with my boyfriend, Pie. We first met at our mutual friend, Chick's housewarming party. Mr. Pizza Do, better known as Pie, was also another guest. As I had already heard all about Pie's cryptic aura, I had naturally expected a quiet, somewhat brooding boy hovering like a wall fly at some invisible corner. So when Chick called me over to introduce to her friend who I could spot laughing loudly from a mile away, I was pleasantly surprised to meet a boy who was equal parts charismatic and funny.

I wish I could say the rest of the meeting went smooth like butter, but that ingredient does not exactly sit very well with me. I ended up ruffling a few toppings off his head, with snarky comments of how jalapeño doesn't really seem his style and if it is true that he is secretly seeing that bad boy Coke on the side. Pie seemed taken aback at a little pine cone like myself shaking off his chilly flakes. He came back at me by asking if it was true that I was dabbing with curries nowadays. The rest of the evening was a total blur. Pie and I ended up talking the whole night, pretending to not feel the oven preheating.

Unfortunately, there were enough raised eyebrows at the party for us to become conscious of everyone around us. The next few days that Pie and I had before I flew back home were spent on secret dates with endless conversations and baking.

I know what you are thinking. Who even hides relationships in 2020? Well, this story is a little complicated. For unfathomable reasons, society won't accept Pie as my boyfriend. It is a tale older than time, but the condiments of our community have shunned our pairing forever. I guess I understand their perspective, the idea of a tropical fruit with a cheesy dough being the last straw, but how to convince the heart?

Well anyway, there you are then. It has been a very draining journey for us, mentally and of course physically. But it just makes us more certain that we want to be with each other. Perhaps, someday, Pie and I will not need to hide. Until then though, it was nice to meet you. I hope I gave you some insightful food for thought.

Also, I think it is time to fasten your seat-belt.

Roshni's fascination with pineapples largely stems from her not-so-secret wish of traveling to Hawaii. Mail her an itinerary at roshni.shamim@gmail.com