When rape is okay

Is rape ever okay? Most of us would say no. Yet, something that is "not okay", happens every day, most often with impunity. According to a report published by Ain Salish Kendra (ASK) last week, 975 women have been raped in Bangladesh between January and September of this year. Of them, 43 women were killed following rape, while 12 women committed suicide. That was before the news of rape in Sylhet, Rajshahi, Sunamganj, Habiganj, Gopalganj; the rape of the madrasa student; the teenage girl raped by her father-turned-"saint"; the 13-year-old pregnant as a result of rape and now being threatened to withdraw the case; the 12-year-old with special needs allegedly raped by an 85-year-old man; and the pages of news on rape reported in the last week. There is a flurry of media reports following every sensational case, but the heinous crime of rape is committed every single day. While the numbers are slightly less than during the same time period last year when 1,115 women were raped and 57 women were killed afterwards, the brutality of such crimes has increased, according to the ASK report.  

The video gone viral last week depicting the gang-rape of the woman in Noakhali is just the tip of the iceberg, but which raises several questions. What kind of families, society and legal system do we have, where a woman can be raped for multiple days at gunpoint and does not feel she can report it? When the same woman is recorded being stripped and raped by multiple men with sticks while begging for mercy? When, for over a month, she still does not dare to report the crime, and it is actually the perpetrators themselves who release the video to shame her, the victim. When, after everything, and feeling like her own life has been "ruined", the woman worries about her daughter's in-laws seeing the video and taking it out on her daughter by throwing her out. Because that is the kind of society we have made for ourselves, where women's bodies are not only sites of hatred, violence, venting of frustrations and abuse of power, but where women themselves are often held responsible for the crimes committed against them.

If rape was not "okay", then victims of rape would not be questioned about when and where they were and why, what they were wearing, what relationship they had with the rapist, or whether they were sexually active. Every woman, no matter who they were or what they said or did, would not be threatened with rape on social media, the comments section of online mainstream media, and even in person, with the most violent and violating language. Perpetrators would be immediately arrested, tried and convicted, regardless of whether or not the crimes went viral in the media. Justice would be done, whether the crime occurred in a madrasa, in the hill tracts, or at a late-night party. Rapists would not dare to keep raping repeatedly, assaulting the victims and their families, and threatening them with worse if they dared to report it to the authorities. There would not be debates over what does and does not classify as rape based on archaic laws. There would be more and harsher punishment of rapists. Court judgments that would "deter other men from going down the same wrong path" would be highlighted in the media, as it was in the recent case of a woman convicted of murder. If rape was not "okay", rape jokes and metaphors would not be normalised in sports or under any circumstances, and rape would not have become an acceptable weapon for terrorising (mostly) women, with threats, the actual act, threats of consequences after the act, and the shame of it forever.

Rape would not just seem "not okay" if the victims were children, or covered in a burqa, or accompanied by their husbands. It would not just seem "not okay" for those with the same beliefs and ideologies. It would not just seem "not okay" only in the cases where we speak, write, and take to the streets in angry protest and not the countless others.  

If rape is not okay, it is not okay for anyone, no matter who they are, where they were, when and with whom, what they were wearing, what they said or did, or what their "character" is like. We cannot pick and choose the victims we think did not "deserve" it and show them our support, while others are raped over and over again—by the rapists, at the police station, the hospital, in court, in the media, and with our own judgment. Neither can we choose to punish some perpetrators and not others based on their money, political influence, official positions, or simply whether or not they fit our "image" of a rapist. If rape is not okay, every incident needs to be reported, every case filed, taken to court and issued a prompt and fair judgment, with severe punishment for the perpetrator which will serve to deter every other potential rapist.

If rape is not okay, change must come at every level, from changes in the law in order to make it more relevant to crimes committed today, to changes in our culture, society and family, where women are explicitly taught that their lives and reputations begin and end with their sexuality, and men implicitly learn about the worst weapon to use to destroy women. If rape is not okay, each and every legal, political and social institution must be sensitised to deal with victims/survivors as being just that. If rape is not okay, it is the rapist whose life should be "ruined", and who should live in fear and shame forevermore. If rape is not okay, it is the survivor who should be free to live in society with their honour intact, because their honour does not lie in their chastity and their shame is not in its violation. If rape is not okay, women need to be seen not only as sacred mothers and sisters and daughters and friends who need protection from being violated and ensured justice if they are, but as human beings with basic human rights to safety and well-being. 

While we express outrage at the most gruesome crimes committed because we cannot turn away from what is literally staring us in the face, let us not neglect to demand justice for those who suffer in fearful silence every day. And while we protest the rape and other atrocious war crimes and crimes against humanity committed in our history, demanding that harsh justice be done, let us not forget the crimes that are going down in our history today.

Kajalie Shehreen Islam is Assistant Professor, Department of Mass Communication and Journalism, University of Dhaka.