Don’t love me: Pitch

The controversial Merepoor Pitch arrived outside the gates of Intergalactic Cricket Council's (IgCC's) prison the day before yesterday.   

Pitch waved at all satellites, orbiting above her head, and proceeded to reveal the following on its good length area: "Don't love me – Pitch."

Prior to this net-shattering event, the Alien cricket team complained to IgCC about Merepoor Pitch's radical behaviour, which led to their unprecedented thrashing against hosts Earth.

Around the same time, a petition was filed against Pitch, mainly led by Batriarchal Media Influencers [BMI], who vilified Pitch as it became an entity that's not only harmful for the country's chances at the upcoming Galactic Cup in the United Andromeda Ephemeris (UAE), but for the greater good of the game itself.

All BMI supporters believe the game should have a high Batriarchy Index that favours high-scoring games over competitive ones, at all space-times.  

The petition filed by BMI gathered serious momentum by the time the series was over, and so, in a string of dramatic events, Pitch was accused under Misbehaviour Act 42020 and went to IgCC's prison.

Meanwhile, a counter petition took off, led by a group who call themselves Ballinists, who have protested the medieval, sinister "pitch-hunting" that took place in a so-called modern society.

"We don't live in the dark ages anymore. You can't harass someone who only dared to express freely. It's way past time that we all should apologise to Pitch, especially the cricket board because their neutral stance on the whole matter is no less disgusting," Ballinist's lead activist posted on TriggerBook.

Which brings us to day before yesterday, when IgCC released the Pitch, having made a sufficient example of it.

Soon afterwards, Earth's leading newspaper The Daily Nebula asked Pitch what the meaning of her message was.

"It was meant mainly for all those BMI people, whom I trusted way more than I should've. What did I ever do wrong? You were all asking for a morale boost and I delivered! And whatever happened to home advantage?

But surely Pitch was overdoing things a little -- she could have kept scores around the 150s and avoided all this hassle.

"Look, I got carried away in monsoon, a little too humidified on most occasions. And this isn't the first case. Go ahead and ask whoever made me the way I am, and interview pitches elsewhere while you're at it. Go interview Perth, that mean pitch, and ask if she faces the same treatment from her own country, planet or whatever?"

Back on Earth, Mother Earth Cricket Board's (MECB) Cheerperson Neel Bori Khan summoned the press outside the shopping mall nearest his home.

"We've faced strong backlash following our [absence of a] stance. But you all need to understand, we were on the back foot once this matter turned legal. But since Pitch is clean now, we can dance down the track, redeem ourselves and continue the cheerful momentum.

"And in that spirit, we have already pitched a radical proposal in the latest IgCC board meeting: We want to include Pitch in the Galactic Cup squad, and we'll do so by replacing our cheerful, young leg-spinner," the Cheerperson cheerfully told the media. 

Nobody asked him the reason behind the latest decision or anything else for that matter, yet he continued.

"The reason is cheerfully simple, I mean, think about it: Why have a bowler who can turn the ball both ways when you can just have your favourite pitch behave in mysterious ways? And don't forget the injection of confidence, the winning mentality, the morale booster, the cheerful momentum. Cheers!"

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