Bangladesh frontrunners for next time, says a coach; India guaranteed place in 2022 final

The T20 World Cup has taken the world by a storm in a teacup, setting tongues wagging as some return with tails distinctly unwagging and tucked between their legs, while others shoot upwards and onwards into the spheres of limited, forgettable glory.

We at Star Satireday have gotten the inside scoops on many of the comings and goings in the United Arab Emirates, and present them below before any other news organisation even catches wind of developments. As such, to protect our sources, we would like to mention that all information provided below is unsourced.

'This World Cup was preparation for the next one'

A coach associated with the Bangladesh side, can't say who it is, has told us that the Bangladesh's five played, five lost in the Super 12 stage of the World Cup was just preparation for the next World Cup next year. And the preparation was of a special sort.

"We all know what fanboys Bangladeshi supporters are," said the coach, who recently had his contract renewed as reward for overseeing a period of crushing failure. "When you win, even if the pitches you are winning on are basically unfit even for what you guys call 'rastar cricket', fans will get on your side regardless of whether you very recently lost against rookies.

"I like to plan for the future. And I knew that even if we won one match in the Super 12 stage, we are back to square one, with people supporting the same old players who can't really win a T20 match to save their lives. And we all know that all the board cares about is throwing the public a bone once in a while, so it can spend the rest of the time not doing anything, other than renewing contracts.

"So, I helped pick all the wrong players for specific matches, deployed all the wrong tactics, and here we are… Square Zero."

A former player with celebrated leadership qualities, however, called hogwash on the coach's comments.

"The truth is, he doesn't know better. Even trying his best, he will make all the wrong calls. But me, since I moved away from the team, I at least waited to comment till the team failed abjectly, so as not to disturb the spirit, unlike another politician… What's that? I commented smack in the middle of the tournament? Oh, okay. I really don't care."

INDIA GUARANTEED SPOT IN THE 2022 FINAL

An uninformed and imaginary source in the International Cricket Council (ICC) told us that they have come up with a surefire format for the next T20 World Cup in 2022 – India will be in the final.

"You see, in the 2007 50-over World Cup, Bangladesh knocked India out in the first round, and TV revenues took a historic hit.

"We have since changed up the format, and we found success in the 2011 World Cup, when India made the final and won the trophy. But in three T20 World Cups and two 50-over World Cups since, India have not made the final.

"So, after Pakistan and New Zealand wiped the floor with them in the first two matches, we knew it was time to act. We had a meeting of the executive committee and it was decided that henceforth, India will play the final of all ICC events."

Another uninformed source of the Indian Premier League said that from the next season of the tournament, India will allow Pakistan players to play in the league.

"It is unfair that Pakistani players are the only ones who we don't know… ahem … the only ones who cannot practise in the best T20 tournament in the world."

Not all information in this article is accurate