Local comedians hurt by criticism, declare war on sub-editors worldwide

On Wednesday morning, Zarif Rifat, a sub-editor at The Quarterly Moon newspaper, announced that he's starting a crowdfunding campaign to make prominent stand-up comedian Rashnan Shadab quit stand up comedy for good. Zarif, a 20 something zoomer, demanded with a straight face that all standup comedians in the country, including Shadab, must give up comedy altogether and start political commentary at once.

Understandably, netizens were outraged by the audacity. "How dare someone as insignificant as a sub-editor hurl hurtful comments like that towards revered public intellectuals like Shadab? We need a zero-tolerance policy against yellow journalists like Zarif," said one furious netizen to this correspondent.

The Stand-up Comedians Guild of Bangladesh strongly condemned this uncalled-for attack against Shadab. In an impromptu Facebook live session arranged shortly after the campaign announcement, prominent members of the guild expressed utter disappointment at the state of journalism in the country.

"How can you expect us to continue with stand-up comedy if you keep criticising our performances? You must clap, encourage and appreciate us for years so we can grow slowly," said one of the speakers. "We have feelings too, you know," said another speaker who joined the live session from his private jet. 

In the live session, the speakers demanded that sub-editors like Zarif should be worried about their own future instead. "What is even a sub-editor? Not an editor, not a reporter, what is it even? We don't need such redundant jobs in this country. All sub-editors in the world are hereby cancelled. Please go find other jobs that pay a decent wage," said one of the concerned speakers.

When contacted, Shadab–the original victim–appeared rather nonchalant about the whole fiasco. "Look, I have a thick skin. I don't care much about two-bit journos and their opinions," he said. "But you must also understand that we don't do stand-up comedies for people like him. We make comedies for educated, well-researched people who know the history and nuances of stand-up comedy. Please learn about stand-up comedy first and then register as our audience," he added.

Zarif Rifat, the journalist in question, however, could not be reached at the time of filing this report. According to sources, he was quickly fired by The Quarterly Moon right after the controversial post.

He was reportedly last seen roaming around Karwan Bazar, asking for a free Chalao ride home. Zarif presumably did not have a single penny in his pocket, as insider sources have revealed that The Quarterly Moon did not pay him in cash, but only in exposures.