Youth traumatised after using Personality A with Friend Group B

"Please come soon, I think I've..."

These were the chilling words that greeted 999 dispatcher Tahmina Khanam, 29, on a call this afternoon. Right after these harrowing words, the caller went silent.

"I never heard such urgency in someone's voice before. It was very jarring," recalls Khanam.

While occasional hysterical sobs and hyperventilation could be heard from the other end every now and then, the prudent dispatcher intercepted the caller's location – which turned out to be a popular coffee shop in the city – and sent a unit of police officers on the way.

"I'm hiding in the men's toilet," the caller whispered at one point.

What the cops discovered upon arrival at the site was unsettling, to say the least. Shaky breaths and muffled cries could be heard from behind one of the doors and when the police knocked, a runny-nosed, red-eyed male teenager stepped out.

"I… I think I've killed Personality A," were his first words.

The police were confused. Who was Personality A? Where was the body? When, why and how did it happen? Taking in some deep albeit jittery breaths, the boy told the officers of his nightmare.

Personality A was simply one of the teen's multiple personalities and on that fateful afternoon, he had committed the unforgivable mistake of accidentally showing that personality to a particular friend group that he identifies as Friend Group B.

Friend Group B, the boy explained, is the typical pack of alpha males: red pillers who worship pictures of Andrew Tate hanging from their bedroom walls, devoted keyboard warriors fighting the battles of every problematic rapper ever and chauvinists who think racial slurs are cool to use.

"To fit in, I acted just as 'rough and tough' in their presence," the self-alleged murderer of Personality A confessed.

That was Personality B acting, though. At the time of his apparently life-altering mishap, the teen was donning Personality A, the personality tailored specifically for girls he is truly interested in. Personality B was exaggeratedly submissive, unapologetically corny and in times of blind rage and despair, an unstoppable stalker – both in real life and online.

It was Personality A's flair for romance that shocked Friend Group B to the core that afternoon when they overheard the teen singing a BTS song along with his date while walking by his table in the shop. Once the date was over and the teen had escorted the girl out to her car, the friend group attacked.

As much as the teen tried to toughen up in the moment and claim that it was all for show, Friend Group B was sceptical and worried that he'd become a stranger to them out of nowhere. That was when the teen decided to shrug and pull off a could-care-less walk to the bathroom and in the middle of a full-on mental breakdown for slipping his cover, decided to call 999.

"I don't know how I got here. I always managed to maintain my personalities' appearances with my scheduled social interactions so well. What, therapy? Isn't that a white people thing?"

At this point, an officer could take it no longer and smacked the teen for his drama and managing to surprise everyone even more, he begged the cop for a bruise on the other cheek.

"Please arrest me after that so I can post about it and look like a very, very troubled teen. Maybe that will get me those friends' seal of approval back."

Fabiha is secretly a Lannister noblewoman and a Slytherin alum. Pledge your allegiance and soul to her at afifafabiha01@gmail.com