The urge to condition young girls to fit patriarchy

"You won't look too pretty if you wear glasses on your wedding day," a classmate's mom had joked when I first started wearing glasses in middle school.

Since then, jokes about my glasses have subsided but constant reminders of marriage have not. In fact, these reminders are no longer disguised as jokes. They are now mentioned factually in everyday conversations instead.

It can be argued that our culture is inherently patriarchal. One consequence of this, however, is often overlooked — the conditioning of young girls to satisfy patriarchal ideals.

The conditioning begins alarmingly early. Girls with darker complexions are put through skin brightening treatments the minute they are born and ones with thinner hair are rushed to doctors just as quickly. Glasses are discouraged for aesthetic purposes despite health issues, and God forbid a girl gets pimples in her teens or earlier.

The outpour of unsolicited advice I received when I had my first breakout at 14 was unreal. From the security guard at my grandfather's place to my then Quran tutor, suddenly everyone had a degree in dermatology.

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Some parents even go to the lengths of controlling their daughters' food intake with an abundance of unhealthy expectations and limited medical knowledge. This often leads to the girls suffering from eating disorders and other health complications. The obsession regarding girls' appearances means that girls often cannot afford to choose what they wear either.

Sadly, it is not just their looks that girls have dictated by others. We all hear unfortunate tales of girls in rural regions being forced to drop out of school, get married, and even have children when they are still underaged.

Given how young minds are incredibly malleable, most girls often have a hard time voicing their dissent later in life. This is also a reason why men in our culture are sometimes encouraged to marry younger women. The husbands will have an easier time moulding these young and helpless girls into the wives they want.

Another disturbing aspect of this conditioning is perhaps how people assume girls do not need their privacy or boundaries to be respected. Invasive discussions regarding a girl's body, character, and future take place right in front of her but never with her consent or even answers. "Why don't you just marry her off to someone from the States?" a neighbour asked my mother (while I was standing right next to them) when he found out I graduated from high school and had begun preparing for college.

Of course I flashed him a sweet smile and laughed it off. I have been trained well.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a solution to this epidemic. Not all of us have the luxury of having open conversations with our parents. Perhaps the best we girls can do in this society that forces patriarchal standards onto us is to be a support system to each other. To hold ourselves and each other together so that we can end the cycle and not become our daughters' nightmares.
 

Fabiha is secretly a Lannister noblewoman and a Slytherin alum. Pledge your allegiance and soul to her at: afifafabiha01@gmail.com