Employee who constantly quotes boss reveals company secrets, fired

On Thursday morning, a marketing executive at Dalal Inc. discovered that his employment had been terminated as he mistakenly revealed company secrets.

Arbaz Ahmed had been sharing almost everything that came out of his boss' mouth on Facebook for months at this point. Even at the time of writing this report, his latest status update on the social media site read:

"When I was little, I hated my dad. I still do" — Tasnim boss

But it came to him as a shock when he was called into a meeting with his superiors and told that something he posted the day before gave away closely guarded company secrets, and now that the rivals knew it, the company would be facing losses worth millions of dollars.

"I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Throughout my career, I had always followed what my first boss, Fardin bhai, had told me. He said, 'Always quote things you hear me say, and then credit me for it. This will create an aura of wisdom and heroism around me, and in the future this might make me like you just a little bit more'. I had taken this advice to heart and adhered to it everywhere I went, from the shadow of Fardin bhai to the shoulder of Debashish da, then back to Fardin bhai for a year before I finally ended up here with Tasnim bhai," Arbaz stopped, finally.

"We have multiple games set up in the workplace around this. For example, sometimes after a meeting, everyone makes a guess about how quickly Arbaz will repeat something the boss said to someone else in the room."

Although the repercussions of his mistake could be felt instantly by the fact that clients had stopped coming to Dalal Inc to get their services, Arbaz was defiant in his position that he wasn't guilty.

"Like Tasnim bhai once said, 'If you ever make a mistake, think about how it happened, who it affects, and then cover it up and pretend you were never there,'" Arbaz went on, even though no one asked him anything.

Arbaz's colleagues explained that this obsession with quoting his superiors is not simply limited to social media. "This guy literally speaks in the language of boss," said one colleague, wishing to stay anonymous.

"We have multiple games set up in the workplace around this. For example, sometimes after a meeting, everyone makes a guess about how quickly Arbaz will repeat something the boss said to someone else in the room. The one with the best guess wins!" he further explained. "Once, we tried to guess how many times he'd quote a former or current boss in a single day. We eventually lost count, but since then, we've assigned marketing intern Dalim to shadow him and simply tally his number of quotes in a day. Dalim is not very good at this as his BBA degree from Bidirectional University did not equip him to count more than 10."

The company secrets revealed by Arbaz have since been deleted from the internet, but sources say he quoted his boss Tasnim Ajad saying, "Never let the clients find out that you have no idea what you're doing. Just nod and say words like 'engagement', 'target', and 'modality' a bunch of times. That is how we've been making money since 2015!"

Although Arbaz denies any wrongdoing, he has chosen not to challenge his dismissal.

"My old boss Debashish da once said, 'Be confrontational if you want to succeed, as long as the other person is your 4-year-old child or a subordinate at work who's half your age'. I'm gonna heed his advice and head out," said Arbaz.