Corporate to give out awards based on social media vibe

Board members of  Big Corporation were in a quandary. A large number of their employees had started having an ethical dilemma. Many of the company's employees had already quit after company data on farmers' actual earnings and carbon footprint got anonymously released.

On Friday, top personnel of the company sat down to address the issue and come up with a plan.

"How could this happen, Morshed? Aren't we still giving out gift baskets full of Nutella and small tea time snacks? Why aren't they working?!" exclaimed Executive Director Akram Gomez.

Senior responsibilities manager, Morshed Aukad, turned his mic on with trembling fingers.

"Sir, due to budget cuts we stopped giving out those baskets for almost a month and a half now. We didn't realise that this would trigger an existential crisis among most.

"I don't want excuses! We need to come up with something so vain and insubstantial that it not only stops them from asking these questions, but also makes them think that we actually care about them," said Akram.

"We're not sucking the life out of their souls effectively enough," Akram added, punching the desk with his fist.

There was silence in the room. Until the head of social media, Samiul Shimul, started to speak.

"People love to show off. And what better place to show off than on social media? So, I propose that we start analysing our employees' social media impressions and give out awards based on that," said Shimul.

"That is absolutely … the most … brilliant idea I've heard all week!," said the executive director and asked him what he had in mind.

"So, this is what we do: we will create a few obscure qualities like 'bold', 'brave', 'inquisitive', 'curious', 'jokemaster', 'party animal'. This way we will be able to award more employees based on a range of categories," Shimul replied.

"But aren't 'bold' and 'brave' almost the same thing?" asked the executive director.

"As long as we're feeding their sense of importance by bringing them on stage, I don't think it'll even matter sir," joked Shimul.

A round of evil laughter roared through the room.

"Well then, the meeting is adjourned. Now let's go crack misogynist jokes about our wives in their absence," said the executive director in a laugh as the members walked out of the room.