"But you can't cook," my dad said when I turned down his suggestion to subscribe to a meal service and announced that I will be taking care of my own meals.

It was 2020 then and I had just moved to Dhaka, away from my family, for my bachelor's degree. Since then, I have been doing my fair share of living, cooking, and eating alone. 

The first dish I cooked when I moved to Dhaka was scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I didn't look for recipes or even call my mom for help. After taking a glance at the groceries my mom had gotten me, I broke two eggs in a pan full of seasoned tomatoes because it appeared to be the most natural course of action. Making this dish taught me the essence of cooking – taking raw ingredients, and making them fun and easier to eat. When I started to view cooking from this lens, it seemed more manageable. 

With Tasty, Bong Eats, and so many other YouTube channels, finding new recipes was no struggle. Soon, I was tackling new ingredients every day and looking up tutorials to cut a cauliflower or a pineapple. With each new recipe, I was building up my arsenal of spices and herbs. Cooking seemed much easier than I thought until the perils of solo cooking revealed themselves.  

I was faced with a harsh trade-off between variety and leftovers. Blemished coriander leaves, mouldy cabbages, or a mushy watermelon gave way to daily episodes of guilt. In order to avoid this mess, I was forced to eat up the ingredients quickly which was an unsavoury experience for my taste buds. 

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Why We Cook

Salvation lied in a change of perspective. When a friend told me that she adds some shredded chicken into leftover vegetables and wraps them with rice paper to make spring rolls, I realised that leftovers don't have to be merely re-heated iterations of the previous meal. Leftovers can be the gateway to new meals and simply searching "leftover meals" on YouTube yielded a lot of ideas. In addition, cooking just for myself made it a low-stake situation which opened up plenty of room for experimentation and creativity. So, I learnt to serve myself varied meals without piling up on leftovers. Just when I thought that I had it all figured out, life got busier. 

The chopping and stirring I used to look forward to at the end of the day went from being a therapeutic act of self-care to a responsibility I preferred to avoid. Naturally, the frequency at which I ordered take-aways increased but so did the brunt on my health and finances.

I then turned to batch cooking. Once I started watching meal prep videos for actual use instead of pure entertainment, my cooking time on weekdays went down. Take-aways still find their way every now and then but I make sure to avoid a streak. 

When I started out, my lack of knowledge and skills were of legitimate concern. But in retrospect, the journey has been more about overcoming fear and guilt.  It has had an effect on my thought process and the way I plan my days. There is however, no doubt that cooking for yourself is one of those things that truly change your life. 

Noushin Nuri is an early bird fighting the world to maintain her sleep schedule. Reach her at noushin2411@gmail.com