Satireday

Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100

Local youth gave up soft drinks, began to drink water and became so healthy he changed his profile background from Hemayetpur to Himalayas.

Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn't exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.

"I was ready to start my day with another litre of cold drinks," said Shadman Sakib, founder of the soft drink based NGO 'Save Water, Drink Cola'. "Who needs home-made breakfast when you've got burnt sugar and preservatives in a plastic bottle? The arteries in my heart are begging me to stop but my sugar addiction says otherwise. But this morning, when I reached out to the nearest convenience store's fridge where I have a monthly membership, I saw the label that said a 1-litre bottle of death fluid was now worth 100 bucks! I immediately fainted. It was probably because of my hypertension and twenty other dormant diseases I've developed owing to soft drinks but I was left shocked nonetheless. Inflation in dollar prices, cost of living or share market collapse -- I was fine with all of these. But soft drinks are where I draw the line.

"I've decided to switch to electrolytes. Unfortunately, it's not quite as unhealthy as carbonated beverages and hence not as fun. But hey, at least it's not water!"

"If things go on like this, we might have to resort to other alternatives," Shadman of Tri-State area broke into tears. "God forbid, we might have to start drinking Bangladeshi soft drinks like Jojo or worse, start drinking water when we're thirsty!"

The CEO of the soft drink company in question explained the reason behind their recent hike in prices, "We're aware that we've succeeded in planting soft drink junkies in the Bangladeshi society. Our devoted followers will continue to serve us no matter what the price is. We're organising concerts, paying celebrities to advertise carbonated poison and cancer in a bottle.

"The least we can expect is for the commoners to pay 100 bucks to cater to their addiction. We're like Lionel Messi in the MLS. The competition is so pathetic, we're the only ones you've got. Sure, you can argue about us taking advantage of the monopoly or condemn us for all the negative impacts of carbonated beverages and we won't deny any of it. We'll just make the most popular singer of your country compose a brand-new song and literally make the nation dance to our tunes while capitalising on your sugar rush."

Some people are considering switching to electrolyte drinks and other healthier options as their daily dose of bottled drinks.

"I just need to drink something from a bottle that's not water," said Rupban Zaberi. "I've decided to switch to electrolytes. Unfortunately, it's not quite as unhealthy as carbonated beverages and hence not as fun. But hey, at least it's not water!"

Meanwhile, sources say that since electrolyte companies have realised that they're in demand now, they've decided to amp up their prices as well and launch "Saline Studio Bangla" as a part of their promotional series of events. 

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Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100

Local youth gave up soft drinks, began to drink water and became so healthy he changed his profile background from Hemayetpur to Himalayas.

Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn't exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.

"I was ready to start my day with another litre of cold drinks," said Shadman Sakib, founder of the soft drink based NGO 'Save Water, Drink Cola'. "Who needs home-made breakfast when you've got burnt sugar and preservatives in a plastic bottle? The arteries in my heart are begging me to stop but my sugar addiction says otherwise. But this morning, when I reached out to the nearest convenience store's fridge where I have a monthly membership, I saw the label that said a 1-litre bottle of death fluid was now worth 100 bucks! I immediately fainted. It was probably because of my hypertension and twenty other dormant diseases I've developed owing to soft drinks but I was left shocked nonetheless. Inflation in dollar prices, cost of living or share market collapse -- I was fine with all of these. But soft drinks are where I draw the line.

"I've decided to switch to electrolytes. Unfortunately, it's not quite as unhealthy as carbonated beverages and hence not as fun. But hey, at least it's not water!"

"If things go on like this, we might have to resort to other alternatives," Shadman of Tri-State area broke into tears. "God forbid, we might have to start drinking Bangladeshi soft drinks like Jojo or worse, start drinking water when we're thirsty!"

The CEO of the soft drink company in question explained the reason behind their recent hike in prices, "We're aware that we've succeeded in planting soft drink junkies in the Bangladeshi society. Our devoted followers will continue to serve us no matter what the price is. We're organising concerts, paying celebrities to advertise carbonated poison and cancer in a bottle.

"The least we can expect is for the commoners to pay 100 bucks to cater to their addiction. We're like Lionel Messi in the MLS. The competition is so pathetic, we're the only ones you've got. Sure, you can argue about us taking advantage of the monopoly or condemn us for all the negative impacts of carbonated beverages and we won't deny any of it. We'll just make the most popular singer of your country compose a brand-new song and literally make the nation dance to our tunes while capitalising on your sugar rush."

Some people are considering switching to electrolyte drinks and other healthier options as their daily dose of bottled drinks.

"I just need to drink something from a bottle that's not water," said Rupban Zaberi. "I've decided to switch to electrolytes. Unfortunately, it's not quite as unhealthy as carbonated beverages and hence not as fun. But hey, at least it's not water!"

Meanwhile, sources say that since electrolyte companies have realised that they're in demand now, they've decided to amp up their prices as well and launch "Saline Studio Bangla" as a part of their promotional series of events. 

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