Money apparently is not the root of all evil. Neither is it the ticket to happiness. In fact, money ceases to matter at all now that watermelon in Dhaka costs more than the monthly food cost of a family of chickens.

This is the basis upon which the new study has been studied. "Money does not matter," said Liza Rahman, CEO of Ransom Group of Industries. She was so busy counting her money as she replied to our question. She did not have time to elaborate as to what does matter since money is as inconsequential as a political candidate's promise.

We tried to find out what does though. For decades employees have been demanding proper raises adjusted to inflation and rising prices of iPhones. And HR department professionals have been always answering those demands by saying, "We are trying our best" with fingers, toes and other appendages crossed behind their, um, not sure how this works anatomically.

Regardless, employees want money. Bosses say there is no money.

Others say, "Work for the joy of contributing to the growth of the organisation."

Turns out, the bosses are right. Money should not be a motivating factor. In fact, the study shows money makes an employee comfortable. Comfort is bad. Remember Titanic? The guy watching out for icebergs was comfortable getting a decent salary. He screwed up. If he was paid less than bare minimum he would have stayed up all night, anxious, hungry from the acid reflux, hoping to clear his sadness by getting slapped by the icy sea breeze.

Paying people less is good. It keeps the organisation afloat, unlike the Titanic. It helps employees become more adept at saving. They no longer waste money on things like watermelon, thereby bringing an end to the ruthless watermelon syndicate.

Low salary is also good for the environment. Some employees have managed to buy an air conditioner. The audacity! But not having money to pay electricity bills mean they use it less frequently thus reducing global warming. Which is heartwarming for HR as now those same employees spend more time at the office to take advantage of the "free" air conditioning (from 9:00am to 8:00pm only).

Also, low pay for regular employees ensures salaries of senior management who would otherwise have to forgo the Europe trip at the end of the year. These study results have met with industry-wide acclaim. More companies are jumping on the bandwagon of low pay, high productivity.

"We are so excited with the money we saved during the 2024 annual increment, we managed to buy two extra calculators for no reason," exclaimed Raihan Rayhaan, Head of HR and Other Stuff at a local media firm.

"When we handed our employees their new contracts with less-than-optimal increments, we could tell they were thinking hard on how to advance their career by working extra hard."

This study is funded by Strategic Compensation and Management Incorporated (SCAM Inc).