Most people do not really listen. That is why we are so noisy. People in the subcontinent will talk over you, and they will shout to be heard. Why? Because they do not really want to hear you. In fact, most people just want others to think they are right. They do not care about others' opinions. But this is how relationships encounter issues and eventually break apart.
In the subcontinent, most issues have to be swept under the rug or talked about carefully to avoid big disagreements or misunderstandings. We are unable to openly dialogue with each other and that's why we suffer in silent loneliness.
No wonder we are facing a massive mental health crisis in the local community today. Most people cannot even identify why they feel what they feel. Instead, they just judge themselves. And that judgment seeps into everyone else. Most people assume that the community cannot be healed or "that's just how people are. It's culture!"
To that, I say no, it's not culture, it's conditioning. This conditioning stops us from being real with each other, our children, our families, and our peers. We are the ones who have the power to reinvent ourselves to be more present, more relaxed, and more attentive to others.
If you can relate to this then understand that this problem is a socio-cultural issue, but also an issue that you can fix in yourself. This practice may feel uncomfortable at first but becomes effortless quickly. When you heal yourself, you are breaking the cycles of neglect that have taken hold of our societies for too long.
When you heal yourself, you are joining hands to forge a new world based on mutual understanding rather than implicit obedience.
You healing yourself is you healing your community and perhaps your future children. The key is to be present when others speak. But what does being in the present imply? What does it mean for you in your life? Let's look at the opposite of presence, which most people think is normal: Zoning out and being distracted.
Many people zone out when people speak to them. You can see their eyes glazed over and feel that they are not really there. They are not listening.
When I was in Europe, my friends complained I would always speak over them but honestly, it was so normal to me that I did not even realise that it was rude or an issue. I guess I just thought that was the only time I would actually be heard.
Now, I know the trick to listening to others properly. It's so simple that it's laughable. Just listen to them how you would want them to listen to you. This will help you feel empathetic towards them even if you don't agree with what they are saying.
Presence is about being in your body. It's about anchoring your soul in your body. That energy will radiate outwards from you and calm others. So, in this practice, make sure you feel your every breath, your every action and movement. You can feel your hands in your pockets. Feel the sunlight in your eyes as people speak to you. You can nod your head.
Simply feel every moment and be as present as you can. And when it is your turn to speak or reply you can allow yourself a thoughtful moment before opening your mouth. This will help you actually provide people with a real answer or reply rather than a regurgitation of what you think you should say.
People can smell genuine from fake. They know and feel when your answer is thoughtful. People feel when they are being heard and it allows them to open up more. This is how relationships deepen and blossom. This is how we can intentionally curate a life of depth and connecting rather than shallowness and performance.
This is how we can change our society and our culture. This is how we can curate a better world for us while we live and for those who will inherit the earth after us. I hope you will remember how hard it is to do yourself justice when you first meet someone and want to leave a good impression.
Don't you wish people would be more open, and receptive when you spoke? You can tell they are really listening to you? So, give people a chance.
Do not judge them but make space for their mistakes. You don't have to be fake or artificially sweet. Just listen. And understand that the more you actively listen to people, the closer you can get to understanding them, and why they do the things they do.
It's essentially a win-win. The other person feels heard and you get one step closer to being a more thoughtful and present person. Your relationships with others become rich and deep and others feel inspired by your attitude. This is the power of presence.
The writer is a content creator and has her own holistic brand, Vision Seekers, which offer spiritual guidance and psychoanalysis through tarot and coaching sessions. For more, connect with Anzareen on Youtube or Instagram @anzareeen
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