Holy League unveils new leftist wing

The central governing body of Bangladesh Holy League, a student body that is now vying for a place in the political scene of the country, has announced its latest wing which aims to cater to the left-leaning voters in the country.

This move comes as the formerly dormant party now aims to capture as many seats in the next national election.

 The Holy League, often referred to as BHL, was mainly inactive during the 15-year reign of the fascist former prime minister Sheikh Hasina. Following her ouster, the party emerged from the shadows, in almost a Scooby Doo villain reveal fashion, to announce that they were all hiding within factions of the former government.

At the launching event of the new wing, BHL Chief Baeyman Zawahiri addressed the nation, demanding that his party be the choice of the nation going forward.

"We represent the thoughts, feelings and experiences of the majority of Bangladesh. Our policies, philosophies and ideals are all BLESSED. You must understand this," he yelled at the crowd.

"I know, there have been many questions from the general public about our ideals. Some have called us extreme, while others have labelled us as misogynists. Let me confirm to all of you here, while we are shocked by accusations of the former, we are definitely proud to have earned the reputation of the latter," he shouted again, to an ovation from the crowd.

Following the event, Satireday sent this correspondent for a one-on-one question and answer session (Q&A) with BHL Chief Bayeman.

Q: What are BHL's political aspirations for the future?

A: We want to take hold of the country and mould it to our vision of a perfect country for holy men only.

Q: Do you not risk isolating a big segment of the voters by targeting simply holy men? Data shows that close to 50 percent of the population is female, so do you not risk losing a lot of votes from that demographic?

A: I don't believe in data. These are made up conspiracies. However, once we win, I promise only men will be allowed to vote going forward.

Q: If you are going to take away women's right to vote, why should they vote for you in the next election and empower you to be able to take their rights away?

A: It is actually quite simple. We are the BLESSED party. What other reason do you need to vote for us?

Q: According to a poll, a majority of voters say they are opposed to many of the actions of your party. Specifically, the harassment of women in public spaces.

A: Why is it that I have to care so much about your wives and daughters that we toil away for hours on the street getting them to live a proper life?

Q: In the past, when other major parties have talked about ensuring that Bangladesh continues to be a secular country, you said, "Please refrain from imposing your beliefs on me. You are infringing on my freedom by doing so." Aren't you guilty of doing the same?

A: We are BLESSED. We cannot be hypocritical.

Q: A recent viral video shows members of your party throwing all sorts of paraphernalia at the sky after a rainbow appeared in it. You have termed the incident your latest victory against the liberal conspiracy to, and I quote, "Turn our children gay!" Could you please elaborate?

A: The mainstream media wants to poison the minds of our children. Holy men like us are under attack. We are the victims of a Western conspiracy. We request everyone else to work towards eliminating any forms of rainbows throughout the country.