Boys don’t cry but here’s why they should

How many times have you told someone, "I'm okay," despite not being okay at all? There's this strange, ever-present societal pressure to always appear fine and to rarely show emotional vulnerability. When someone checks up on us, we're likely to say "I'm good" mostly out of reflex, and also because we're afraid of opening up.

We pretend. We bottle it up. And we move on as if nothing's wrong.

This expectation weighs heavily on men. Women, despite being unfairly labelled as "emotional", can still find refuge in their close female circles. Men, however, get shunned by that same circle along with the rest of the world. The act of shedding a few tears is perceived as shedding off your entire masculinity. It's seen as shameful and as a sign of weakness. Men are forced to always appear calm, collected and strong – even when they're falling apart inside.

At the heart of this stigma lies the same patriarchy that hurts everyone it touches. It forces men to be the head of the family – a pillar that can never be knocked down no matter how many storms come its way. From a young age, we tell boys to "be a man" and that "boys don't cry". They're subtle, sometimes unintentional, but they plant deep roots – teaching boys to associate vulnerability with weakness and silence with strength. Over time, this becomes the unspoken rulebook of masculinity. And somewhere in the process, boys learn not to cry.

They refuse to acknowledge their emotional needs and therefore are much less likely to seek therapy or talk it out with their close ones. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), men are twice as likely to take their own lives compared to women. In the United States, nearly eighty percent of all suicide deaths are male.

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Men need to treat each other better

On the other hand, research consistently shows that men are far less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues. A 2022 survey by the American Psychological Association found that only thirty percent of men said they would openly talk to someone if they were feeling depressed, compared to over 60 percent of women. These aren't just statistics – they're a reflection of the patriarchy's failure of men.

The idea that masculinity is defined by emotional control isn't just outdated; it's dangerous. Men who bottle up their emotions are more likely to experience higher levels of anger, frustration, and develop dependence on alcohol. This often leads to them having poor relations with their families. In the worst cases, this pain spills out as abuse, violence, or total emotional detachment. This negatively impacts the upbringing of a child who carries that trauma into adulthood, impacting their own future relations.

In a world where emotional expression is increasingly encouraged, where we urge people to speak up, seek help, and prioritise mental health, many men are still trapped behind the mask of stoicism. I think it's time that we as a society stop being averse to the very thing that makes any of us human – emotions.

Recognising that this is a patriarchal issue is the first step in fighting it. We must stop raising boys to associate emotions and seeking help with a sense of inferiority. We need to stop teaching boys to hide their emotions and start teaching them how to validate and acknowledge them at the very least.

Masculinity, thus, needs to be redefined across cultures. We must tell boys that strength can look like self-awareness and tears are not a failure of character but a natural response to pain.

To get there, we need to build environments where men can speak without judgement. This means classrooms, workplaces, and homes where emotional honesty is welcomed — not mocked. It means fathers fostering emotional openness for their sons. It means friends checking in on each other and creating a safe space where men can feel comfortable opening up. Men deserve empathy, and their emotional struggles are just as valid as anyone else's.

When it comes to your emotions, "man up" is not the answer. Because boys do cry. And they absolutely should.

Mahpara thinks the real sigma move is going to therapy. Tell her she needs some herself at [email protected]