FICTIONAL MEN

When it comes to men, women are often charged with countless false accusations, ranging from our irrational demands to fickleness and hypersensitivity. What they completely overlook is the fact we are not the lesser being, swayed constantly by our emotions; there are these men created between pages decades ago that often drive us to make fools of ourselves. Allow me to explain.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman who has laid her eyes on Pride and Prejudice must be smitten, beyond all reason and logic, with the handsome Mr Darcy. Fast-forward to the 21st century: You meet a gorgeous man at a party who has the audacity to comment that you are “tolerable… but not handsome enough to tempt” him. It can be argued that it was a passing comment made to conceal his budding feelings for a young country girl but even as he starts to be attracted to Elizabeth, Austen said and I quote “he looked at her only to criticise”. Now that I can think of the Elizabeth-Fitzwilliam duo, it seems like their love stemmed from Elizabeth's success in feeding Darcy's “critical eye” with “more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form”. Can you honourably say that you would have giddily given your heart to a man who behaved thus? I doubt he would have found a Caroline Bingley or an Elizabeth Bennett to dote on him had he existed today.

Tall, dark, and handsome, Heathcliff is the epitome of an obsessive, impulsive, and possessive lover that we all should be wary of. The sense of mystery this man oozes with his dark gypsy past is somewhat attractive, yes, but what is so intoxicating about a man who does not fall in love but is driven by an all-consuming passion, seeking to possess Cathy's mind, body, and soul escapes me. I understand his unwavering love can be enthralling but that man is terrifying. That is no ordinary desire, ladies; troubled characters with dark pasts are not boyfriend material - fictional or otherwise. Nah-uh.

To that catalogue of bad boys, let's now add Mr Rochester. Intriguing brooding anger and passion aside, the man you are dreaming of locks his wife up in an attic and keeps her a secret from everyone, including Jane, the woman he has feelings for. Call me cold and heartless and devoid of imagination but no man dressed up as a gypsy fortune-teller, feeding me news of false engagement just to see my reaction is going to going to sweep me off my feet. He has skeletons named trouble everywhere in his house; closets, I'm sure, would be wise to avoid. Is he really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? The rest of your imaginary life with? I'm sure the fictional world of men has more to offer.

We all have that one friend who falls for the wrong guy. We also have those bookworm friends who fall for supposedly chivalric heroes but whatever it is that was wrong with men in the 1800s in England, these menfolk would not have real women flocked around them like moth to a flame in this day and age. Imagine Austen and the Bronte sisters finally becoming friends over watching us obsess over their crazy men from heaven…

Imani Khaled is an animal lover, forerunner of her imaginary anti-frizz campaign, and sketches exotic travel plans all day, everyday. Reach her at imanikhaled@gmail.com