All oil used for flattery, none left for energy production

Due to the national habit of applying generous levels of oil to slide one's way to the top -- or most often, barely middle, levels -- of organisations, Chapasthan has been facing an oil crisis for the past few days.

As a result, the country has failed to produce necessary electricity to enlighten its people, which even 75 percent literacy rate has not been able to do. The massive hue and cry have become a regular activity the people of Chapasthan have been doing despite having an obvious reluctance of doing so.

"Had I not oiled my boss frequently, I wouldn't have to face this recent power blackout," Telbaba, a jobholder, repented.

"We had plenty of oil to produce electricity, but instead of using that in power stations, we used those on people, who only recycled the oil and flattered their bosses," he said, displaying his newfound honesty in a place of his mind that was previously occupied by blubber.

It has always been a famous unsolved mystery of the world that, despite having been blessed with the most sycophants per capita, a rare (but very common in Chapsathan) type of human who can produce oil naturally, Chapasthan – a country that looks like the Eiffel Tower from the sky -- isn't a member of OPEC.

Scientists, both social and antisocial types, worked on the problem for years but only recently did they realise that all the oil people produce here is spent on their superiors for personal benefits instead of exporting to foreign countries, or to inject into the power grid.

Representational image of oil being wasted. Photo: AFP

"Where are those people who were oiling their bosses for promotion, political leaders for posts, teachers for good grades and voters for votes? We desperately need them now to supply their natural oil to those power stations that produce energy," Jaya Ahsan, failing to study for her upcoming HSC exams due to frequent load-shedding, asked.

Other career oilers felt cheated. "I read years ago that for there to be electricity, we have to inject oil into the power grid. That is when I saw my boss wearing chequered clothes, and I thought that was the power grid … Now people are telling me that there is a national grid," a man from Chapasthan's port city said.

Meanwhile, those superiors, who have been oiled for years, are suffering from severe insecurity. As the news went viral that the country is running out of oil, their daily lives were disrupted. Unknown sources said they have faced a nearly 70 percent fall in flattery in just a week and the rate is booming every day. "I am a leader and no one oils me now like before. If things go like this, I will leave this country soon and settle in an oil-rich country," Pathok Bhattacharya, a student leader expressed his feelings in despair.