Authorities going all out for ‘2 Fair 2 Free’ polls

Chapasthan is once again gearing up for its Ultra Free, Giga Fair National Election. This time, it's going to be freer and fairer than ever.  

The Directorate of Mega Free Polls (DMFP), the honest-to-goodness neutral election body, has taken all-out preparations to make the people feel like they're heard.

At a press conference, Boat Transport and Ditches Minister Omaigo Bader said, "You people are not prepared for just how free and fair this election's going to be."

Therefore, the slogan for this year's election is "2 Fair 2 Free", he added.

Surprisingly, all of DMFP's choices matched the government's this year, and the people have started to notice. Despite trying really hard, this correspondent couldn't figure out why this might be so.

When a reporter pointed this out, DMFP chief Krishna Ang-ul-Dey said, "Wow, what a coincidence! We had no idea. Well, if the government's just as awesome as us, what can we do, y'know?"

Asked about the government's endorsement of using digital vote counters (DVCs) for the polls, Ang-ul said, "We were talking about doing just that! Guys, what's happening? This is creepy. Do we have some telepathic connection with the government?"

Another reporter asked about the government wanting to cut off fingers for voting incorrectly, to which the chief replied, "This has been in discussion for a while, and we will surely implement it this year."

When the reporter revealed that the government never said that, Ang-ul said, "Oh, really? Um, well... this just goes to show how super-neutral we are, because we're still going to do it!"

The room got dead-silent after that statement.

"What, scared?" Ang-ul said, breaking the silence. "This isn't your run-of-the-mill election. Yes, anyone who tries to derail the polls will have to say good-bye to their fingers.

"You'll never be able to vote again, and won't be doing many other stuff, but most importantly, you'll never smell the sweet fragrance of democracy," he added.