Coaching centres introduce crash courses on collecting more salami

"Pera Nai, Just Chill", the country's leading coaching centre located in Farmgate -- the worldwide capital of such centres -- just introduced their new crash course to teach students how to collect more Eid salami with minimal effort.  

"Children aren't getting what they deserve. According to our research and development team, the total salami of 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021 were 44, 40, 38, 37, and 35 billion dollars respectively, which is a clear indication of continued decline. We want to change this," Salam, the CEO of "Pera Nai, Just Chill", said.

Students were seen loitering to and fro with a view to finding the best centre that would ensure the highest gross salami.

Maria, who was seeking admission at such a coaching centre, said, "For the past few years, I noticed that I couldn't earn much and it was declining every year. I also couldn't convince my dad to give me more salami. I have been running out of ideas. And then these coaching centres offered a glimmer of hope! I hope I will learn some new strategies and techniques here that will eventually boost my earnings."

Munna, the CEO of "Pass Na Kore Jabi Koi", said, "We teach them scientific approaches that will ensure you at least Tk 500 from the person who used to give you Tk 50 or less.

"For instance, if you post a photo or write something praising a person the night before Eid, he/she will surely give you more than Tk 1,000 on Eid day even before you ask him/her for salami. For learning more, you have to take admission to our coaching centre," he said before rushing off to tell students: "Eidike ashen, amaderta best".

Pessimists were also seen. Satireday talked to some confused students standing in front of a coaching centre playing the question "To be admitted, or not be admitted" in their heads.

Shams, a student with a pale face, said, "The admission fee is Tk 10,000. Last year, I got Tk 7,000. If I get admitted this year, by applying all those scientific approaches, I may get Tk 10,000 at best. That means I will have neither profit nor loss. What should I do now?"

This question was promptly forwarded to one of the agents of the centre, who said, "We can't say so much now. Inbox for details."