Satireday

Country in disbelief after 3,718th episode of majority-on-minority violence

As is tradition, Chapasthan witnessed yet another spate of violence perpetrated by the majority on the minority in the past couple of days, triggering the country's authorities and experts to recycle their remarks about pluralism, conspiracy and geopolitics. 

Just like every year, authorities are in shock, as if they had no idea that something like this could happen for the 3,718th time. No concrete step has been taken yet to prevent further such incidents. Loads of cases have been filed, however, because authorities have to show just how serious they are.

The recent attacks were sparked by the Facebook Live of a random guy, whose "sentiments were hurt". These "hurt sentiments" spread to different corners of the country and resulted in loss of lives, homes and valuables. Again.

It would be fair to say that Chapasthanis are a bit too sentimental.

When journalists approached Chapasthan police for answers, they said, "We are looking into the incident."

Asked about the previous 3,000 incidents, they replied, "We are still looking into those."

Questioned about the lack of progress, they remarked, "Look, looking takes time, but we will look into the matter of inefficiency."

Meanwhile, the Chapasthan government told citizens to be united against such violence, live in harmony with fellow citizens, and absolutely crush the opposition party, which is responsible for everything wrong with the country because they are lying, conspiring scum.

CNP -- the opposition party that, many say, stoke the violence -- said such attacks are the government's grand conspiracy to stay in power and has nothing to do with Chapasthanis' lack of tolerance, or the attackers belonging to the country's tolerance-lacking majority, which allows them to suppress minorities, or a ploy to just grab land.

"Guys, it's not your [majority's] fault. Let's oust the government. Everything will be so much better then. Don't you trust me?" said a CNP spokesperson.

On social media, "experts" are analysing the probable social, political and cultural origins for the attacks and possible fallout.

"This is all part of a scheme by neighbouring countries to destabilise Chapasthan, as the country is part of an economic tug of war," said one tone-deaf person.

When a commenter asked for proof, he said, "Dude, believe me."

Another "expert" took a more sociological approach and wrote a 1,000-word essay, using terms like "cultural hegemony" and "social stratification", which alienated the handful of people who understand basic English.

Amid all these vain dialogues and discussions, voices of the victims and their supporters continue to demand justice not just for the recent incidents but for every instance of violence against minorities. Time will tell whether these voices are heard or ignored like always.

*We have not used the adjective c0mmun@! in this article. You're welcome.

 

Email your satire pieces, cartoons, comic strips or whatever tickles your funny bone to [email protected] and you too may have something to show for wasting your time

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Country in disbelief after 3,718th episode of majority-on-minority violence

As is tradition, Chapasthan witnessed yet another spate of violence perpetrated by the majority on the minority in the past couple of days, triggering the country's authorities and experts to recycle their remarks about pluralism, conspiracy and geopolitics. 

Just like every year, authorities are in shock, as if they had no idea that something like this could happen for the 3,718th time. No concrete step has been taken yet to prevent further such incidents. Loads of cases have been filed, however, because authorities have to show just how serious they are.

The recent attacks were sparked by the Facebook Live of a random guy, whose "sentiments were hurt". These "hurt sentiments" spread to different corners of the country and resulted in loss of lives, homes and valuables. Again.

It would be fair to say that Chapasthanis are a bit too sentimental.

When journalists approached Chapasthan police for answers, they said, "We are looking into the incident."

Asked about the previous 3,000 incidents, they replied, "We are still looking into those."

Questioned about the lack of progress, they remarked, "Look, looking takes time, but we will look into the matter of inefficiency."

Meanwhile, the Chapasthan government told citizens to be united against such violence, live in harmony with fellow citizens, and absolutely crush the opposition party, which is responsible for everything wrong with the country because they are lying, conspiring scum.

CNP -- the opposition party that, many say, stoke the violence -- said such attacks are the government's grand conspiracy to stay in power and has nothing to do with Chapasthanis' lack of tolerance, or the attackers belonging to the country's tolerance-lacking majority, which allows them to suppress minorities, or a ploy to just grab land.

"Guys, it's not your [majority's] fault. Let's oust the government. Everything will be so much better then. Don't you trust me?" said a CNP spokesperson.

On social media, "experts" are analysing the probable social, political and cultural origins for the attacks and possible fallout.

"This is all part of a scheme by neighbouring countries to destabilise Chapasthan, as the country is part of an economic tug of war," said one tone-deaf person.

When a commenter asked for proof, he said, "Dude, believe me."

Another "expert" took a more sociological approach and wrote a 1,000-word essay, using terms like "cultural hegemony" and "social stratification", which alienated the handful of people who understand basic English.

Amid all these vain dialogues and discussions, voices of the victims and their supporters continue to demand justice not just for the recent incidents but for every instance of violence against minorities. Time will tell whether these voices are heard or ignored like always.

*We have not used the adjective c0mmun@! in this article. You're welcome.

 

Email your satire pieces, cartoons, comic strips or whatever tickles your funny bone to [email protected] and you too may have something to show for wasting your time

Comments

চট্টগ্রামে খোলা ড্রেনে পড়ে নিখোঁজ শিশুর মরদেহ মিলল ১৪ ঘণ্টা পর

গতকাল রাতে শিশুটি তার মায়ের সঙ্গে রিকশায় করে যাচ্ছিল। নগরের কাপাসগোলা নবাব হোটেলের সামনে রিকশাটি নিয়ন্ত্রণ হারিয়ে নালায় পড়ে যায়। এসময় শিশুটির মা আহত হলেও শিশুটি পানির স্রোতে ভেসে যায়।

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