University decides to stack students on top of each other to maximise enrolment

In an unprecedented move, Bidirectional University, the country's top private university, has decided to implement a stacking policy to maximise the number of students enrolled in the university. 

The decision comes after students have been complaining for months about severe crowding in the university campus. University authorities, after ignoring the complaints with a deaf ear, have finally shifted their stance and decided to inflict even more discomfort on the lives of beleaguered students by doubling the number of students from the upcoming semester.

Professor Vincent Adultman, Dean of the university's Efficient School of Business Efficiency, spoke at a press conference to explain the mechanisms of this new decision.

Students have reacted with disdain and disbelief at this decision. Hussell Graind Seth, a third-year business major, complained, "I am six feet and four inches tall. Where am I supposed to find a four feet eight inch university student? I like hanging out with younger shorter people but not for studying!"

"To make this possible, we will be introducing a new General Education course called 'Teamwork and Co-ordination', which will be a four-year long mandatory credited course where each student will pair up with a fellow student to carry them on their shoulders and walk around campus. We will install double decker desks in class so partnered students can sit on top of one another. Not only will this double enrolment and teach students the meaning of teamwork, it will also make them physically active," he said.

Asked whether students will at least be allowed to pick their own partners for this programme, Professor Adultman said, "No, absolutely not. If given the chance, students will only partner up with their friends, or worse, girlfriends and boyfriends, and use this as a chance to engage in antisocial activities. We will use state-of-the-art AI technology to pair students with academically like-minded individuals. We will also make sure no pair of students crosses the combined height of 11 feet because that's how high our ceilings are."

Students have reacted with disdain and disbelief at this decision. Hussell Graind Seth, a third-year business major, complained, "I am six feet and four inches tall. Where am I supposed to find a four feet eight inch university student? I like hanging out with younger shorter people but not for studying!"

Picchi Parker, a fourth-year biophysics major, said, "I have a shoulder injury from when I was swinging from one building to another to save Marium Jannat's life the other day. Plus, my part-time job requires me to suddenly ditch class and go out by myself, this will not be possible any more with this new system."

When the concerns were brought to Professor Adultman in the press conference, he said, "This is just a small group of troublemaking students. Most students are excited at the prospect of sharing this amazing campus of two entire three-storey buildings with even more students. In fact, we have started a training programme for students to get used to carrying around people on their shoulders. It has a nominal registration fee of Tk 10,000 and it's going to be mandatory for all students."