You’re wasting your life: Study

A revolutionary new study has found that you are wasting your life.  

"Revolutionary", a collective of social scientists, has surveyed 4 billion people over the last eight years and found that a huge majority of them are wasting their lives.

Conducting the study has cost around $9 billion, said scientists associated with it, but they begged not to be named.

"We have talked to a cross-section of people from around the globe, and we found that they were going nowhere," said Icanana Lyse, the lead author, while revealing the findings in a sparsely attended press conference.

More than the study subjects not physically going anywhere, it was found that they were going nowhere in their lives, Lyse said.

Mental stagnation is everywhere. Every day people clamour to come up with something new and revolutionary to keep themselves interested. But it seems overall society is heading towards rapid decay.

"We interviewed officegoers, and around 37 percent of them said they were moving up in their careers. But when we interviewed their bosses, around 98 percent of them said those very employees had probably risen as far as they could.

"About the bosses, a 100 percent felt they were taking their corporations to newer heights, but our representatives sat in on meetings and found that 88 percent of those were mostly about them coming up with new names for old things."

Talking to general citizens of poorer countries, it was found that 85 percent thought that the government in power would improve their lives.

"Talking to economists and experts, however, we found that the trends so far indicate that the situation could get worse, with a five percent chance of it getting better, and a 50 percent chance of rain," Lyse said.

"In developed countries, we found that elected officials were only interested in keeping the rich happy, and around 99 percent of the population suffered from what has been known as 'first-world problems', and said they were wasting their lives because they could not find happiness in privilege."

A reporter asked Icanana Lyse whether there was any new information in the study.

"In conclusion, we have found that this study was a waste of time," she replied.