Dragon training can be a daunting task for most people, living or dead.

Especially in a city like Dhaka, it is quite dangerous to hang out with a dragon and train it. You might think it's a crazy idea to even try to train these fantastic beasts with terrifying looks but believe me when I say dragons are the most intelligent and loyal pets that you will ever find. They have a softer side too and if you can befriend them once, you will have an adventure of a lifetime. Having said that, there are some things you should know before you start training these fire-breathing giant lizards. This article will tell you more about the steps you should consider when you are training a dragon in Dhaka and less about trying not to die (it's a possibility but we are going to ignore it).

STEP ONE:

When you take a baby dragon home for the first time, know that there's going to be a lot that you're signing up for. Your cousins from far, far away are going to come to see it, your neighbours are going to question your pet preferences, and it's going to be a lot of pressure for both you and baby dragon. One of the most important things that you need to do in step one is to house train your dragon. Now, I would tell you to stop your dragon from destroying your neighbour's flower bed but I'm pretty sure you live in an apartment where people have small verandas and windowsills full of cactuses and Bonsai trees only. And that garage is not really a suitable place for your dragon to be let loose. So take your baby dragon to the kingdom of Uttara, where the skies are wide open for it to take its first flight. 

STEP TWO:

Step two is feeding the dragon. This is an important step and if you can do this properly, your dragon will trust you well. Do remember that some dragons are vegetarians while some like their burgers with juicy beef patties, and you must respect whatever type your dragon is. Don't go stuffing that chicken biriyani in your dragon's mouth when it says it only likes cabbage. That being said, always go for formalin-free cabbage. Formalin works like laughing gas for dragons, and once a dragon starts laughing, I can't even tell you what horrible things might happen (hint: death). So, try to go to the giant super shops in Dhaka and look for fresh food without chemicals and preservatives. May the odds be ever in your favour.

STEP THREE:

This should probably be in step two but I thought of mentioning it in a separate step. Do not forget to take your dragon to old Dhaka and let it have that lassi and that borhani. It's a secret that most history books don't cover but dragons have always had a thing for Old Dhaka food. 

STEP FOUR:

Dragons have a thing against crowds. They are extremely solitary creatures, and crowds and queues make them anxious and triggered enough to breathe fire. So, try to avoid local buses, trains, public schools, roads, flyovers, river banks, weddings, Hatirjheel, and to the opening ceremonies of international restaurant chains. Dhaka has a reputation of having huge crowds at these locations and you wouldn't want to annoy that dragon of yours. 

STEP FIVE:

If you have a female dragon, boy are you in trouble. I'd suggest not taking her out on the streets of the city. But if she must, try putting a scarf around her neck. For their own safety, female dragons are mostly discouraged to fly. Legend has it that once a female dragon was flying with its wings spread out and heading towards the north when a giant human monster caught hold of it and captured it in a cage. The human monster cut off the dragon's wings as well. So, if you care about your dragon lady, don't let her out on the streets of Dhaka. Teach her how to breathe fire and use that fire to cook your meals. Because that's what female dragons are good for: cooking and staying in the kitchen. 

STEP SIX:

Do not translate Bob Dylan's Knocking on Heaven's Door in Bangla; that might trigger your dragon to do things it would not do otherwise. Listen to pop music so that your dragon can fit in with the people around you. Popular music can help you train your dragon to fly, eat, and breathe more than anything else. Sometimes, dragons play catch with toys to practice their attacks. If you turn on some Momtaj tracks when they do that, it will help them understand the beauty and balance of hunting. 

STEP SEVEN:

Take your dragon to the shopping malls and also the movie theatres when you and your dragon are really tired of that dubbed TV show everyone in your family is crazy about. Dhaka might not have a lot of things but its shopping malls are exactly where things get really trendy. You can sit at the food court of these shopping malls without reason for hours and no one will ever judge you because everyone does the same. 

STEP EIGHT:

One good advantage of training a dragon in Dhaka is that a lot of times you won't have to clean your dragon's poop. In rainy season, which lasts almost throughout the year, there's so much water everywhere no one will even notice that your dragon pooped on the side of the road. Well, unless some unfortunate person steps on it on their way to office, or school, or even to life. Having said that, poop and banana peels were initially made so that they could be dumped on the streets and people would slip when stepping on them. So that's none of your business.

STEP NINE:

One reason why there has been no report about dragons in Antarctica or other northern countries is that dragons hate winter. They are fire-breathing animals and the cold pisses them off. But not to worry – here in Dhaka, we only have two seasons: summer and rainy season. Your dragon can thus live in as much peace as it wants to. Even then, try not to take your dragon to the land of Uttara when there are cold winds blowing in the city. That is not something that your dragon can handle.

STEP TEN:

There will always be judgemental aunties judging your dragon. There will always be horrible comment sections filled with hate messages just because your dragon looks different, or is not as proficient in fire-breathing as others. But you can't let that unnerve your dear dragon. You need to keep the spirits up and train it to have a heart as cold as ice cream. You are going to have to teach your dragon to use that heart reaction button when needed, but also take its chances on the angry reaction button whenever possible. Teach your dragon how to make memes because to live in Dhaka city, one has to know the ins and outs of memes.

Dragons are beautiful creatures with emotions much like humans. It might be a little difficult to train a dragon in Dhaka but in this world of bad things and worse people, you got to make the best out of everything. So, go out there, you young soul. Get that dragon and start training. 

Mashiat Lamisa is often seen frowning at the sight of people who dislike poetry and tomatoes. She can be reached at mashiatlamisa@outlook.com