Dealing with Toxic Friends

There are a lot of conversations around how to deal with toxic relationships. But what rarely tends to be brought up is toxicity in friendships, which occurs at a similar rate. There is of course no by the book way of dealing with these forms of toxicity, just to study the situation and then go by it. However, it's always good to have a few outlines of what could be done laid out:

Identifying the signs of toxicity: The first thing to do is to determine what the signs of a toxic friendship are. Signs such as the impression that you can no longer trust this friend or that they constantly act selfishly even if it means hurting you. Friendly banter and teasing are part of creating a sense of camaraderie, but when this banter or teasing becomes mean-spirited to the point of affecting your mental health, that is when you have to consider whether it is becoming toxicity. Not just mean-spiritedness, of course – always agreeing to everything you say can also be a sign of a toxic friend. A person who supports and even encourages you to do things that are hurtful for you is not a friend but an enabler. There are, obviously, multiple other signs that cannot be boxed into this broad category, but the one important sign to look out for is whether this person is negatively affecting your mental health.

Creating boundaries and space for yourself: Once you know a friend is toxic, it's difficult to figure out the next course of action. Especially if this friend is a part of a friend group you are in. This is when it is important to find where you stand and create boundaries. Creating boundaries means to figure things out, through talking to the other person. You state what it is that you are comfortable with and what would put you more at ease. However, you can also create space for yourself by doing things on your own, sitting out on some outings even if it means feeling some of that FOMO (fear of missing out). The space from the constant outings will actually do you some good with respect to creating a better sense of self and self-reflection.

Branch out with your friendship: Ultimately, you might realise that there is no other way but to distance yourself. To do that, though, it is best not to isolate yourself, but rather to branch out with your friendships. The older you get the harder it is to make friends, so it feels easier to stick to those who are already there, but getting out of your comfort zone can actually get you interested in a new hobby or place through travel and joining classes. And, most importantly, this gives you the chance to hopefully meet people you're truly comfortable with.

Fatimah Akhtar studies Anthropology and wishes she lived with a puppy. Redirect all your complaints, queries, and feedbacks to her at fatimahaakhtar@gmail.com.