A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN INSPIRATION ENGINEER

9:30 AM

Arman Khan has a busy day ahead of him. As he dresses himself, he contemplates his first social media post of the day. Social media presence is extremely important for what he does; projecting an empowered image of himself is paramount to getting people to believe in his advice about empowering themselves. He takes 17 selfies before finally settling on one where he looks half decent, and captions it, "It's not what you look like, but how you feel about yourself that sets you apart from others!" He has trouble stowing his phone back into his pocket and realises that his belly is more prominent that what he last remembered. He instantly feels a pang of sadness inside.

11:45 AM

After traipsing through dense traffic, with a soaring temper, Khan gets to his office almost 2 hours late. He calls this his "day job", because that implies he has another, much cooler "night job", and it sounds loads better than saying "actual job that is boring but pays real money". Despite his anger, he fakes a smile as he enters the building. He has a group of young people working for him and makes a point of trying to appear in sync with them at all costs. He goes around the room ferociously distributing high fives and low fives and yo-wassups and fails to register that his employees might as well be having cold sores distributed to them. He goes into his room, ignores a small pile of files on his desk, and does a live segment on his Facebook page about making an effort to be in sync with one's co-workers and employees. He takes questions from people who comment on his live video, and after ignoring the ones related to armpits and phone chargers, he's left with a grand total of 2 questions. He answers them for 30 minutes.

4:30 PM

Khan leaves office after 4 hours, one of which was spent having lunch. He is now sitting in front of a large air-conditioned room, getting ready to deliver a speech. This is an event called "Motivation Challenge 1.0" organised by a group of kids who call themselves "Mpower Bangladesh". Everyone settles down and Khan's session begins. He tells everyone what they need to do to turn their potentials into actions of substance, how to inspire themselves to make a difference in this world, and how to pursue success and happiness. His speech includes bits like "Spend 1 hour a day on your dream, and the results will surprise you," "Don't ask for things to change, BE the change," and the ultimate gem, "If you're the most successful person in your group, then you need new friends." He also includes buzzwords such as "disruptive innovation", "empowerment", "co-opetition", "proactive", and so on. Once the speech is done, Khan expects questions and selfies, and although he gets some, most of the selfies don't include him but are taken by groups that formed around the pretty girls.

7:30 PM

Khan just had a very weird experience. He was waiting on the pavement for a CNG when a man recognises him. Khan has been doing this for about a year now and although he has 69k likes on his Facebook page, he was yet to be recognised on the streets like a celebrity. "Hey! I know you, you're Arman Khan. I liked you on Facebook," the man says. "Well, thank you. I hope you like my work," says Khan. "Yeah well, I would if I understood what it is you do," the man says with a sheepish smile. So Khan explains to him that he is an "inspiration engineer", and is asked if he had gone to BUET. Exasperated, he further explains that he helps people find inspiration to do good things and use their potential, and the man says that doesn't sound like something most people need help with. The man leaves soon after on a bus and Khan's first time being recognised on the streets ends up being marred by this man's ignorance. He reaches home lost in deep thoughts. He gets a call.

10:00 PM

The call is from an old friend, to let Khan know that his ex girlfriend is getting married to an actual engineer. Khan thought he was over her but it turns out he isn't. He feels like a heavy load is pushing on his chest and calls another old friend – someone who was part of a group where Khan was the most successful; Khan left the group. But this friend didn't hold grudges, and they talk it out for 2 hours and he is feeling better now. His friend tells him they'll hang out the next day and talk more over some fried chicken. With reinvigorated spirit, Khan makes some coffee and takes a picture of his coffee mug next to his laptop and uploads it with the caption "Feeling inspired to do something." He ends the night watching videos of Japanese game shows and falls asleep having done his bit in changing the world.

Azmin Azran is a 17-year-old boy stuck in the body of a 17-year-old boy. He talks a lot, mostly about football and politics because that's what's on TV most of the time. Contact him for an onslaught of uncomfortable jokes at azminazran@gmail.