Whether you work for an agency or call yourself a freelancer, there's no escaping the wrath of silly client criticism. Add to that your delightful friends who keep asking you to make them look funky for their Facebook profiles, sprinkle a handful of ignorant people and you have the perfect remedy for a headache that no medicine can cure. Here are a few questions that I'm hoping to shed some light on. 

"Where do you go to work?"
I may work from home a lot but that doesn't mean I spend most of the day glued to my TV, eating junk food and surfing the internet. Anyone working from home can attest, 50 percent of my time is spent on executing projects frantically before the deadline and the rest of the 50 percent is spent desperately looking for work so that I can pay off the multiple loans I've taken from people over time. Rubbing salt on my wounds – bad move.

"How does this make money?"
The client and I discuss the events they want the designs for. I come up with ideas and give them an estimate of how much time it would kill from my schedule and we set a rate until one of us decides that it is no longer financially/personally beneficial. 

"Hey, could you do this little incredibly complicated thing for me, free of charge?"
If you're oblivious to the fact that I don't want to spend 13 hours doing pro bono work just because you promised me shingara, then no. Use Paint or WordArt. Be innovative.

"[Insert awkward question to really know what I earn]"
I'd rather you ask me upfront because even then I'd tell you, "It really depends on my work." It really does. Most of the time, I don't get paid because they "forget to pay me" for weeks. Even months. Besides, the more it is, the less you'll like it anyway; it's better if you imagine us scraping by with nothing. 

"I love you bro, make me one of those caricatures, please."
Again, bro, please understand that it is a very prolonged process. You cannot ask me to make funny memes of you and your friends or a caricature, for that matter. Unless you pay me by the hour or donate one of your kidneys to me should I need one, I don't want to do that. 

"Don't you want the exposure?"
You overestimate your exposure potential and underestimate my love for receiving compensation for my work.

"You do realise that they have apps for that now? Why go through the hassle?"
I'd like to acquire the skills to make my own creation. Obviously, originality has value. I cannot possibly use a mobile app to make an ad for a company. Besides, who do you think made those apps?

"I know Photoshop, how long will it take me to become a professional designer?"
Photoshop is just a tool. It has nothing to do with becoming a designer.

"I like the colour but can you change it?"
YOU asked for blue, mister. I delivered, two weeks ago. You even cleared my payment. If you make me work after the deadline, I'm charging you extra. You should've gone with the green like I suggested…

"You're the designer, I trust you."
"Thanks."

"Wait, change this into the picture I sent you."
So much for creative freedom. The saying goes, "The customer is always right". But what do I do when the client isn't sure about what he wants, or knows exactly what he wants but can't put it to words? "No worries, this is your first time working for us; you'll learn exactly what I want for the company over time." Did you not receive my resume? Did you see any entry of a part-time psychic on the form?

"Make something simple but creative. Do it the way you want, we don't want to interfere in your creative thinking."
I know you have no idea about what you want and I'm probably getting into a whole lot of mess where I have to design something for 25,396 times and ultimately you'll end up selecting the very first option I sent you. 

"C'mon! It'll only take a minute to do it."
It will take me less than a minute to block you from my contact list.

 "Logo is such a small thing, should it take longer to make? Make one for me."
We RESIZE the logo to fit into your post, you don't want a logo that's really just a Comic Sans font in bold. Of course, it takes longer to make. If I'm making one for you, I'll take the full payment of making the logo first.

"Use the logo on my Facebook."
But… it's low resolution. 

"Low resolution? It looks okay on my screen."
... Okay. Sorry.

"I'm not sure, try something else."
YOU TELL ME TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE AFTER A WEEK'S WORTH OF WORK!?!?!? @?&$?@%!!!!!!

Maisha Maliha speaks what crosses her mind in the most positive way but is often misinterpreted and thought to be a lunatic. Unfollow her at www.facebook.com/MyshoeMaliha