INSIDE OF LOVE

"How do I keep ending up in this same situation?"

She was sitting in a darkened room with music blaring loudly. It was some cheesy romantic song. *Ping*. It was a message notification on Facebook. She opened a tab and looked numbly at the same messages. She couldn't remember the last time she felt anything for this guy and the worst part was how this realisation didn't even make her flinch one bit. They've been friends, more than friends, and literally everything in between and now she can't get herself to even pity the guy who was begging to be with her.

"Isn't this exactly what you wanted? Why is it that every time you get what you want you lose all your interest? You're like a child in a candy store who only wants the unhealthy chocolates his mom won't allow."

As much as she would love to feel sad for herself and pity herself and bawl her eyes out, she just couldn't. Blaring the cheesy romantic songs in complete darkness was just another futile attempt to make her feel something. The song that was playing was one of the first songs that Vee had sent her when they first started talking. She didn't appreciate the song much then but now that she was listening to it again it was like a whole new revelation.

She didn't want to think about the situation she was in for too long. Every time she would try to find some answers it would just hit her how she had never really loved him. It was just a sad attempt at finding someone to be there for her. A sad attempt at not being alone anymore.

The funny part was how he used to tell her that he hated relationships and how he would never be in one. Even last year he expressed his detest for romance. Every time he would say such things it was like a pang in her heart because she could see them together in the future very clearly. But, one morning that picture just disappeared and the person fantasising them felt a million miles away.

I guess now that she was actually content with who she was she didn't need him anymore?

Tasnim Odrika likes pineapple on pizza and is willing to fight anyone who opposes her on this. Reach her at odrika_02@yahoo.com