This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Pasta won't help with the relationship problem.
TAURUS
Aliens will invade and only you can save them.
GEMINI
Your dad also did not watch Game of Thrones, you turned out to be okay.
CANCER
Solve world's poverty, get yourself a job.
LEO
Skip dinner it might be poisoned.
VIRGO
Buy an overpriced grey t-shirt from some online store to get lucky.
LIBRA
Avoid eating beef this Wednesday, Friday and forever.
SCORPIO
It would be good to build a writing habit, start with your mom's birthday wish on her Facebook wall.
SAGITTARIUS
A keyboard warrior never gives up, try backspace though.
CAPRICORN
Tomatoes are red, avocados are green, reading self-help books is the worst sin.
AQUARIUS
Your next business should be lice killers for ride sharing app's helmet users.
PISCES
Notes won't be the only sticky thing you touch today
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